Was I really THAT special?

When I was younger I would go with my friend to her husband’s band gigs. I was only 15 or 16 at the time. I had a crush on one of the band members, a very talented, handsome and older musician named Christian. My friend and I would spend hours at night dancing, laughing, eating coffee, drinking, and nearly every night Christian would tell me how talented and special I was. He said he wished to marry someone like me and that I had a heart of gold. I would sleep over at their house a lot and he would sleep on the floor nearby me at night and tell me how much he liked being around me. He would tell me about how we would have the best time together, face all the struggles and adventure of life together. He’d even mention having children together, but only as a fantasy. I was so, so young to him and he knew that. But at the time it felt so important. He made my small existence so grand and beautiful. He made it feel so important. I was so happy when I was with him. Whether we were together, or not, I was just so happy that he was in the world.<br><br>Years went by and I didn’t see him that often, but I would help by selling merch at the band’s shows. One night he bought me a bunch of drinks and nearly every moment we talked he would lean in close to me and tell me what a wonderful person I was again. I was 21 or 22 by now. He told me how he was a little too drunk and wanted to hug me. He didn’t want to hug me like a friend, but he held me gently but close and said “no, you were a wonderful person even back then. You’re a wonderful person even now. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.” I was so happy all over again. I remember when I told him that I had wanted to marry him growing up and he smiled with the warmest smile and said he was flattered. He told me how he was so excited about the person I was going to become and he was glad he got to watch me grow up. I felt so proud of myself, like I had done something right by becoming who I am now.<br><br>It’s been a few years now, he got married and moved away to another country. I don’t think I’ll see him very often now. Christian was one of the few people who made me feel so important, so special. I don’t know if he really felt I was as special to him as he made me feel, or if he was just a good friend, but I wonder, was I really that special? Or did he just know how to make a young girl feel seen? If it was all just an illusion then he was a great trickster, because I am still under the illusion that I am important and special, that I am worthy of love and happiness, and I feel like I owe that to him.