I never thought I would be anything more than an alcoholic but I woke up one day and now I'm a junkie. How the fuck did I get here. I don't even like heroin. I'm in panic mode right now.

I never used to do drugs. Never. I smoked weed and did shrooms but that was it. I did drugs here and there but nothing hard. I was an alcoholic. I was on my way to being a pathetic old drunk, with a beer belly, and nothing. I was probably going to die young, but at least I would be a functioning alcoholic. But here I am, shooting heroin. Every day. And I don't even like it. It sucks. Every day I'm in fear I won't be able to get any. I've never been to rehab. I've never had any real drug problems. I don't like feeling high all the time. But I'm so desperate to feel normal, without withdrawal symptoms, that I sabotage myself every day and continue to shoot up this poison. Literally every single day I'm worried I won't get my fix. Every day I'm worried I will get dope sick. Every day I feel no relief in sight. Every day, I let myself down. Every day, I'll be a junkie.<br><br>I don't understand how people get by like this. I don't understand how anyone could enjoy this and be ok with it. I'm not a junkie. I never thought I would be. I'm nothing like a junkie. But here I am.