Just found out my son isn’t mine.

He’s 5 years old. His mother is my wife. We have a daughter on the way. My wife and I have been together for eight years. We are still together and have no plans to split up. There’s a lot of different emotions at play and I just need to get this off my chest in a safe place. Maybe I’ll have a different opinion in a few days or weeks or months or years. I just know that I love my son more than life itself right now. It hurt that I had to write “more than life itself” instead of “more than anything”. <br><br>I admit I’m not perfect. I cheat on my wife with her regularly. She is the other woman in my infidelity. It felt justified because of this betrayal. The logical part of me knows it’s not a good reason to do what I’ve been doing, but the logical me also thought I had just been unlocked from a PRISON! No, I didn’t do it out of revenge. I just felt like I had been living my whole life to everyone else’s standards and being locked down. I did this for myself because I could and I wanted to. I don’t regret it. It felt great and I’m not here to apologize or justify it. I’ve never felt so powerful, so sexy, and so like “me” than when I was doing it. I’m not going to stop either. I’m not going to let one action taken against me by the person who was my best friend in the world ruin my life or destroy my marriage. I love her more than anyone and wouldn’t leave her for anything. <br><br>What hurts the most right now is “why?”. Why did she do it? Why would she cheat on me? I gave her everything I had to give and I took better care of her than anyone ever would! I thought our sex life was good! She wanted that big wedding and I paid for it. I gave her that perfect little house with a big yard and a white picket fence and I would give her that perfect little family and she… she just threw it all away for what? Why did she cheat on me with my son? Why couldn’t she have just made it so I never had to know? Why would she choose to name him after me? Why does he look like me? Why would she bring him around my mom and the rest of our family? Why would she look me dead in the face and just lie so nonchalantly that he was mine? <br><br>Her best friend and maid of honor at our wedding grew up across the street from me. She was my first and I was hers. We were each other’s secret for years until we found out from each other. We were the ones who told our parents about each other. We met again in college and always had something for each other. When I met my wife, I chose her over my past. She was my choice through and through. I could never imagine spending my life with anyone else and I still can’t. I also can’t do it without him. <br><br>This was just a small sample of the Netflix show that is my life. Tune in next time when I get a paternity test on my daughter.