I just wanted to talk to someone, but I'm too afraid.

I had such a bad day, and I just wanted to talk to someone, but I'm too afraid to.<br><br>I'm a very introverted person and I don't have friends because no matter what I do, I'm always alone. I don't know why I hate myself so much, but I do. I've had such bad anxiety problems for years now, and it makes me really hate myself. And today was a terrible day.<br><br>I was supposed to pick up my younger cousin from school, but I was really stressed out today so when my mom asked me if I was going to pick him up, I just shook my head and didn't say anything. I didn't want to go. I knew she was mad at me for it, but I just didn't want to go.<br><br>And that stressed me out even more, because I don't like making people mad at me. It makes me panic and I upset myself.<br><br>So I went to go get food. I was feeling a little better because I was eating, but then I saw this girl that I used to have a crush on, and she was doing very well for herself. It really made me hate myself even more. <br><br>And then we had a family dinner, and my uncle was talking about all the good things he's doing. And then my other cousin was talking about all the good things he's doing. And it just made me really upset. I'm not doing anything. I'm a failure. I'm an embarrassment. Why don't I do anything? Why can't I stop making mistakes? Why can't I just do things right for once? Why wasn't I good enough to pick up my cousin? Why can't I be a good nephew? Why can't I make my parents proud?<br><br>And so I just went to my room after dinner and cried for a while. And then I went on Chambers and saw that lots of other people have things going for them. And I hate myself.<br><br>I just wanted to talk to someone. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to hate myself so much. I just want someone to talk to. But I'm too afraid. Everyone is going to judge me. Everyone is going to think I'm weird. Everyone is going to hate me. I'm better off alone.<br><br>So I drank some alcohol and cried some more, and I can't stop thinking about how much I hate myself.<br><br>I just wanted to talk to someone.