I don't want to live like this anymore

I don't know what to do. I've never felt like this before.<br><br>I'm 30 years old and still alone. My brother and sister have been in relationships for years and have children. My brother has been married for about 6 years and my sister has been with her partner for about 7 years. I've tortured myself with these thoughts for years. I felt like I wasn't good enough. I'm alone and I always feel left out when family comes together. I really want to feel loved and appreciated. I want someone to hold and a hand to hold. I miss a person I can laugh with. I've never been in a relationship in my life. I feel like I've failed. I tortured myself with thoughts like this for years, but I couldn't do anything. I've been having a breakdown for about a month. I feel like I couldn't bear this anymore. I can't share it with anyone. My mother is so sorry for me. I don't want to live like this anymore.