I've been a happy bachelor for 12 years to learn that I've low test and now I'm a bitter incel

I've been a happy "bachelor" for 12 years. I've enjoyed my own company better than I've ever enjoyed the company of a romantic partner so I just kept my life that way. I was 15 when I broke up with my first girlfriend. I was 24 when I broke up with my second and last one. I didn't even give them a chance, I had no patience and already in middle school I knew I was a selfish prick. I've spent my late teens and my whole twenties being single. I've lived alone or with another bachelor and I loved my life. I was so happy that I would just laugh at people wanting to end their lives because of lack of romantic love. I've enjoyed my hobbies and my life. I've always been skinny but I've never let it get me down. I was active and I was never really sad. I've gone out with friends, drank beer to some extent, went to the beach a couple of times a year, went to the gym 3 times a week, played soccer with friends, went to bars and clubs and I had so much fun, but never really cared about the girls there. I've had a couple of one night stands but never really cared about the girls. I was happy with my own company.<br><br>Until I wasn't. I was 33 when I went to the doctor because I was feeling a bit low and I was told that I had low test and that it was affecting my mood, which was news to me because I didn't even know I was feeling bad. So I went home, lived with my parents for a couple of months, got therapy and I'm feeling much better, but I haven't been single, I got back with my ex. It's been 9 years since we've broken up but she still wanted to be with me so I guess I got lucky? Or not, I don't know. I really don't want to be single anymore and I don't want to be with someone else so I guess I'm good, but I've lost my gloomy, lonely bachelor joy. I'm also very interested in dating apps and I've installed them a couple of times but I don't really like them because I have no money to pay for them and the free version is kinda useless. So I've deleted them.<br><br>So, after 12 years of enjoying my solitude, I found out I have low test and now I'm suicidal over being lonely. Funny, right?