A message from a woman to the MGTOW community

A message from a woman to the MGTOW community<br><br>Hello MGTOW community. I am a 30 year old woman and I was referred to you from r/confession. There's a post there entitled "I’ve been lying to my husband for almost 5 years about where I got our living room furniture" (content of the post doesn't really matter here, you can check out yourself if you want to). <br><br>Anyways, my comment on that post included something about me just "not understanding" what kind of "red pill" men are. I made some offhand remarks about how I don't think women are responsible for how men treat other men and that men shouldn't blame women for their own problems and I was immediately downvoted and received some pretty vitriolic messages. I was obviously confused, so I decided to do some research on MGTOW to figure out what this sub is all about. <br><br>Reading your stories, I have to say, I had no idea how bad it was for men out there. I can't say I'm surprised, I've always been a bit of a feminist, but I have been blind to the feminist movement's effect on men. I always assumed things like divorce laws and custody laws were fair and equal for men, but now I see they aren't. I can't imagine being treated as less of a parent than my partner or how horrible it must feel to know that I could be taken advantage of by the system like that. I had no idea this kind of thing happened to men and I can't imagine going through that. <br><br>I can only imagine (and relate to) how you feel watching other men go through what you did. I've seen so many good men get destroyed by bad women. I've had so many relationships end because of cheating, lying, stealing, abuse, drinking, drugs, and even just treating partners poorly. It's just as hard for women to find good men as it is for men to find good women, and I'm sure we all feel the same way watching our friends go through hard times. It's just as hard for women to love again after heartbreak as I'm sure it is for men: I've seen it happen to countless men and women and it's just as heartbreaking when a woman is crying about how much she loved her last boyfriend or husband as when a man is doing the same. Speaking from my own experience though, heartbreak is very very hard. It's hard to see your friends get hurt, it's hard to go through it yourself, and it's hard to recover on your own. <br><br>I can relate to your stories about men being portrayed as lesser, stupider, weaker, and just generally terrible. As a woman, I've been faced with those same stereotypes. The media portrays men as stupid, drinking, cheating, and lazy and women as shallow, self absorbed, manipulative, and stupid. I know that when I tell people I'm a feminist, most men (and some women) assume I hate men. Feminism is about equality, obviously, and that doesn't mean "women are better than men". I can't imagine watching television or a movie and being bombarded with negative stereotypes about me. It's just as derogatory for women to be portrayed as stupid, shallow, or manipulative as it is for men. <br><br>I do think the media portrayal of men as providers and the expectation that men make more money than women is part of the reason men are treated so poorly in divorce and other cases. If men are expected to be providers, obviously they need jobs, obviously they need education, obviously they need to make more money. It's no wonder men are treated as the money bag when women are treated as mothers. I think we both have these "traditional" roles forced on us. <br><br>I get it, you don't want to be a provider, you don't want to be a traditional man. You don't want to be treated as less of a parent or less of a person. You don't want to be judged or stereotyped because of your gender. I understand you perfectly. <br><br>I want to make it clear I am not here to "fix" anything or drag you under the bus. I am simply trying to show you I get it. I get it. I get why you think the way you do. I would too if I was treated the way you are treated. I am not here to shift the blame onto men. I know men aren't responsible for women's actions. I know women are responsible for their own problems. I know that the way men are treated is wrong and is not okay. I know it is not fair for men to be denied basic human rights while women are celebrated and coddled for the same things. I know men deserve better. I know women do too. I know we aren't treated equally. I know we don't want to be treated equally. <br><br>I think we both want to be treated with respect. I know we both want to be seen as equals. I know we both want the stereotypes to go away. I know we both want to be treated fairly. <br><br>Reading your stories, I just want to hug you all and tell you it's okay. I feel your pain. I can't imagine going through what you went through. I want to say I'm sorry and I'm here for you. I'm here when you need someone to listen. I'm here when you need someone to cry with. I'm here when you need someone to hug, to hold, to love you. I hate seeing you all so hurt and broken. I hate that you've been treated like this and I hate that there's nothing I can do. <br><br>I think it's very very important to blame individuals, not genders. That's why you're on this sub, right? You want to go your own way. You want to be your own person. Live your own life. Be treated as an equal and as a person. I think I can help you. I think I can relate to you. I know we aren't treated equally and that we don't want to be treated equally. I know we both want to be treated fairly, with respect and as people. I want to help you. I want to be your friend. I want to be someone you can come to when you're hurting. <br><br>I hate that you think you need to "go your own way" because you don't feel like you have anyone else. It's not fair to you or anyone else to blame an entire gender for your problems. It's not fair to treat men or women poorly because of their gender. It's not fair to anyone and I know that. <br><br>I think, maybe, you're right. Maybe I am part of the problem. Maybe I am blind to men's issues. I'm not saying I was purposefully ignoring them, but I do know I wasn't looking for them. I do know I wasn't paying attention. Maybe you are right and I am naive to think I can help. Maybe you're right, I don't understand. <br><br>I think I do though. I think I do understand. Maybe I don't understand fully, maybe I don't totally get it, but I think I can be a friend to you. I want to be a friend to you. <br><br>I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I'm sorry you have been treated so poorly and I'm sorry you feel you need to take this stance. I am sorry for my part in this, even if I didn't realize I was perpetuating a problem. I am sorry I was blind and I am sorry I wasn't paying attention. I am sorry I didn't realize what was going on. I am sorry. <br><br>I'm not here to judge you or attack you or drag you under the bus. I'm here for support. I want to help you. I want to be your friend and I want to be someone you can trust. I'm not here to fix you or to tell you how to live or what to believe. I'm just here to listen. I'm here to be someone you can come to. I'm here for you. <br><br>I know I'm not the first woman to come here, and I know I won't be the last. I hope you take me seriously and see that I am genuinely trying to be your friend. I am not here to change you, I am not here to fix anything, and I am not here to judge you. I am here for you. I am here to support you and be there for you. I am here when you need me and I am here when you need someone to listen or cry with. I am here for you. I am so sorry. <br><br>Sincerely, <br>A woman <br><br>EDIT: Holy guacamole. I am blown away by the amount of support I've received here. Thank you all so much. If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone or need a friend, pm me or check out my info and text me. I am always here to listen or help in anyway I can. I have read almost every comment and I will reply when I get a chance. I want to say thank you all again. I am so touched. Sending all my love to you all. <3