AITA for throwing away my son and daughter in laws bed because I hate it?

I got married young and had my son at 21. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom, unfortunately money doesn’t grow on trees and I had to work. I remember my son leaving letters telling me how sad he was I wasn’t home on weekends, wishing I was a stay at home mom, etc. I felt guilty. <br><br>I worked hard and when he was 8, I was able to quit my job and stay home. My husband worked a lot as well and he thought it was a waste of my time to just be at home with our son, he thought I should get a job when our son was back from school. It was an argument every day, I wanted to be there for him, my husband wanted me to work more and make more money. <br><br>My son got older and moved out and well, what did we need the money for? I stayed home and took care of the home and once my son had kids I got to spend a lot of time with them without having to work and worry about my job, instead I could just spend time with my grandkids. <br><br>My son and daughter in law just moved next door to us (the houses are far from each other) and we spend a lot of time together. We have dinner together often, my daughter in law and I have a book club together, etc. They see me more than my husband does lol.<br><br>However, I told my son and daughter in law that there is one thing I refuse to do: I refuse to help them do chores. I cleaned for 20+ years, I scrubbed the floors, the tub, the shower, the kitchen, did the laundry, the ironing, etc. If I ever complained my husband told me to get a job and stop complaining. I did when our son was young and I hated it and quit. The one thing we agreed on was having a cleaning lady to help once a month, but I refused to let her do everything and wanted to teach my son how important it was to clean and do chores. I refused to hire someone to clean when my husband was fully capable of helping since he complained about my job taking up my time. <br><br>Well, my son and daughter in law are very lazy when it comes to cleaning. I am not their mother or father, I refuse to reprimand them, it’s not my job. But I hate it. We sleep over once in a while when we are too drunk to drive and well, their house is filthy. It’s not like they are too busy, my daughter in law is a stay at home mom, my son is as well. They don’t work. They sleep in until 10-11am and then take a nap around 2-3pm for a couple of hours while their kids nap. They are not tired, they have help, they just don’t like to clean. <br><br>Their bedroom is disgusting. It smells horrible and I will not stay over in that bedroom to sleep. We sleep on the couch instead but it annoyed me so much, the other day I hired a cleaning lady, lifted up the mattress and I found some needlessly dirty sheets. I took them outside and threw them in the trash. I took the comforter and washed it, my daughter in law was sobbing because it took her 3 months to get that comforter and she loved it. I told her she could buy a new one but I was not going to allow her to sleep in it again. <br><br>When she calmed down she told me she was in shock I touched her stuff and got so mad. I told her I was just cleaning the house but she told me I had no right to touch her bed and how much the sheets cost, how much the comforter cost, etc. <br><br>She sent me a text today saying she’s very hurt and I should not have touched her stuff and I was overbearing and I disrespected her. <br><br>She didn’t mention anything about the state of the house or the bedroom but she did tell me that my actions were valid because I never would have done something like this before. She told me I was becoming a very mean person and I was very disrespectful calling her sheets filthy. <br><br>I apologized for calling them filthy, not for touching them or washing them and throwing them away. <br><br>AITA?