My mental health is in pieces rn

i posted yesterday to see if anyone had watched the “you season 4 part 2 trailer?” and i got very little replies, i guess people don’t like watching them, but i thought they were good.<br><br>anyways, I have a bad bipolar episode today. my mind is racing, i feel like my heart is going extremely fast, it’s not normal. i had a “suicide thought” but i can’t even look at a sharp object without freaking out tbh.<br><br>i feel extremely unsafe rn, even if i am safe. i feel like someone is behind me. every little noise in my surroundings makes me jump. it’s bad rn, i had to sit in my bed holding my phone in one hand, and a blunt knife in the other hand just to feel safe.<br><br>i feel like i can’t do anything rn, but i know i can. it’s the mind over matter thing.<br><br>i also had to stay in my room when i was watching my video. i didn’t want anyone to come through the room and see me watching it.<br><br>i think the only people who can understand how i’m feeling rn are people who have been suicidal and have struggled with their mental health like i have.<br><br>i wish i was a robot i guess.<br><br>i guess the thing that’s really frustrating me rn is having to share a bed with my brother. he’s snoring so loudly it’s making me angry.<br><br>he’s not the reason i’m writing this, it’s just everything combined.<br><br>okay, i feel a little calmer now, i just got to tell my mum what’s happening rn.