I felt so dirty and ashamed today

I blocked my mother on my phone today. I haven’t talked to her or let her in my life for almost two years felt so ashamed today because I felt felt like I should have let her in my life and I shouldn’t have blocked her. Today was my daughter’s birthday party. I felt so guilty that she wasn’t there. I let all the guilt pile up and it made me feel like I did something wrong. I unblocked her from my phone and felt so felt so dirty and ashamed doing it. She ran over when I unblocked her called my name. I was so ashamed. I felt like felt like I was letting myself down by letting her in my life. She ran over to me with open arms gave me a hug and said you’re doing fine. I felt so ashamed when I said I know this is the first time we’ve talked in almost two years and I’m wondering if you could stay with my daughter tonight. I felt let down. She said of course I’ll be there. I felt so dirty and ashamed how I ran over to her like a fucking puppy like she was my mother and she would take care of me and love me for who I am. I felt so ashamed when she started crying because I’m letting her in my life again. I let her cry felt so felt so ashamed felt so felt so ashamed when I said I’m sorry mom. I ran over to her like a fucking little puppy like she was my mother and she would take care of me and love me for who I am. <br><br>I felt so ashamed after I asked her to stay with my daughter tonight. I felt felt so ashamed when she said she would be there. I felt so ashamed when she hugged me the way she did. I felt felt so ashamed I let her in my life again. <br><br>I felt so ashamed when I left my house. I’m in my car driving around and crying. I’m so ashamed. I’m felt so ashamed when I said I’m sorry mom. I let her into my life again. I’m crying because I felt so dirty and ashamed how I ran over to her like a fucking fucking puppy like she was my mother and she would take care of me and love me for who I am.<br><br>I felt felt so ashamed how I reacted. I’m crying like a fucking fucking baby. I felt so felt so ashamed how I let her in my life again.