The computer virus written by the Devil himself.

I was working as a tech support specialist at a large IT firm in the late 90’s. It was a really good time to be in the industry. There was still plenty of support work to be had and with Y2K looming over everything it was a profitable time to be in the game. <br><br>One day we received a call from a pay-by-the-hour self employed programmer who was having problems opening his documents. He told me the files were being held for ransom. I laughed and joked to him that it was a new one. He told me to watch it and that the devil didn’t take kindly to being mocked. <br><br>I was taken aback and apologized. He said it was okay and gave me remote access to his computer to take a look. When I opened his documents a message popped up. <br><br>“This file has been doxxed by the one true devil Satan himself. Bring me a worthy offering and perhaps I shall let you access your file again.” <br><br>I wasn’t sure what doxxed meant. I’d heard of it in the news with celebrities having their info outed. But I didn’t know the actual definition. I searched it and it said to make private info public. <br><br>The man told me he had important work to be done and needed to get into his files. This all happened right at the end of my shift so I told him I’d look into it over night. I grabbed his info and put it in my bag with the intention of finding a solution. <br><br>The whole drive home I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation. When I got home my wife, Wendy, asked me how work was. I told her about the silly virus and we both had a good laugh. <br><br>She asked me what kind of ransom they wanted. I told her they wanted and offering and she asked me what kind of offering. I told her they didn’t specify. She joked that maybe they wanted her famous sugar cookies. <br><br>I made myself a sandwich and sat back down at my computer to look into the virus. I did some digging and found it had only recently surfaced. There was very little information on it and no known fixes. <br><br>I gave up and decided to go to bed. I set my alarm and passed out. The next morning I got to work and our secretary Barb came over and told me the devil was on the phone. I laughed and asked her if it was a joke. She said she wasn’t kidding. <br><br>I picked up the phone and a very deep very serious voice said, “Are you the boy who’s been looking for a cure to my virus?” <br><br>I joked, “the devil himself, what an honor.” He hung up the phone. Barb looked at me confused and asked if I was okay. I told her it was a prank call. <br><br>I decided to look into the virus a bit harder. I went through every line of code and couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary except for the message. I decided to mess with it a bit and changed the message and the ransom. <br><br>Instead of an offering I changed it to cookies. My wife had mentioned her sugar cookies and I thought it would be funny to see. I opened the documents again and activated the virus. <br><br>The message popped up again except this time it said “This file has been doxxed by the one true devil Satan himself. Bring me a batch of fresh baked sugar cookies and perhaps I shall let you access your file again.” <br><br>I laughed and closed the window. I thought nothing more about it until I got home from work that evening. When I walked in the door Wendy was pacing around the living room. She told me that someone had been to the door and they wanted to speak to me. <br><br>I asked her who it was and she said she didn’t know but they scared her and she didn’t like it. I told her not to worry about it and went about making dinner. There was a knock again at the door. <br><br>I went to the door and opened it to find a man in a black suit and tie. He had a briefcase in one hand and was smoking a cigar. I asked him who he was and what he wanted. <br><br>“You’ve been messing with forces beyond your control.” He said. I asked him what he meant and he told me that Satan himself wanted to speak to me. I asked him if he was joking and he just stared at me. A chill ran down my spine. <br><br>“Satan is very interested to know how you got into his code without the proper offering. He is also quite looking forward to your wife’s cookies.” <br><br>I tried to shut the door on him but he grabbed it with his free hand and held his ground. I tried yanking it open and shut but he was too strong. <br><br>“Don’t try to fight it boy.” He said. “Or you’ll be answering to him personally.” <br><br>I backed away from the door and shut it. Wendy asked me who was that and I told her it was just some guy selling something. She told me I lied to her and I told her not to worry and went to bed. <br><br>I couldn’t sleep though. I kept thinking about the man and the virus and the message I changed. I tossed and turned and finally made myself get up and try to find some more info. <br><br>I searched for hours and finally came across an obscure message board talking about the virus. Someone who claimed to have cracked the code left a message. <br><br>“When you pay the ransom, whatever it may be, someone or something will come to collect it. Give them exactly what they ask for or suffer the consequences.” <br><br>I thought about the man and what he said. He told me that Satan wanted to speak with me and that he wanted Wendy’s cookies. I tried to go back to sleep but was too scared. <br><br>The next morning Wendy was in the kitchen baking a batch of cookies when I woke up. I asked her what she was doing and she told me she was going to surprise the guy from last night. <br><br>I asked her who she was talking about and she told me she was talking about the cookie man. I told her there was no cookie man and she told me not to play dumb with her. <br><br>I told her that maybe it would be better if we just threw the cookies out. She told me not to be silly. <br><br>I went to work and couldn’t focus. I was so worried about what was going to happen to those cookies. Around 10 am the man from last night showed back up at my work. <br><br>This time he didn’t just stand at the door, he walked in. The secretaries tried to stop him but he pushed them out of the way. I tried to keep him away from me but he walked right up to me. <br><br>“Satan is still waiting for his cookies.” Was all he said. I tried to tell him that it was just a joke and that I didn’t control the woman but he just turned and walked out. <br><br>I was in a panic the rest of the day. I couldn’t stop thinking about the cookies and what was going to happen if I didn’t give them over. <br><br>I got home and Wendy was still baking. She said she wanted to make sure they tasted perfect. I told her they didn’t have to be perfect and she got mad at me. <br><br>I decided to just roll with it at that point. She told me to put the cookies in a plastic bag and take them outside. She said that the cookie man will be by to collect them. <br><br>I did as I was told and sat back down. She told me that if I didn’t follow directions then I would suffer the consequences. I tried to tell her that she was acting crazy but she just told me to be quiet. <br><br>I sat back down and watched her continue to bake. I didn’t even recognize my wife at that point. She was like a different person. About eight o’clock we heard the doorbell ring. <br><br>I looked at Wendy and told her that it was probably the cookie man. She told me to go give him the cookies and that Satan was waiting. I didn’t know what else to do. It was like I was being possessed to do his bidding as well. <br><br>I grabbed the bag and opened the door. The man in the suit stepped to the side and that’s when I saw him. Satan sat on a throne of fire in the middle of my front yard. He beckoned me to come closer. <br><br>I walked up and handed him the bag. He thanked me and told me to tell my wife that her cookies were exquisite. I went back inside and told her exactly what he said. <br><br>She stopped baking immediately and told me to grab some trash bags. I went to the kitchen and grabbed some trash bags and she filled them all with cookies. <br><br>I asked her what she was doing and she told me that she wasn’t baking anymore. I asked her if she was okay and she just looked at me weird. <br><br>I knew that something was wrong with us both. I think we were both possessed for a short time. But it’s been a couple days and I feel fine. I just decided to write this out for some sort of catharsis. <br><br>So if you ever get a virus asking for a ransom, whatever you do, pay it.