You're a soldier in the Imperial Roman Army. 2,000 years later, you wake up in Phoenix, Arizona, near ASU.

You're a Roman soldier. You were deployed to the Middle East during the reign of Trajan. Your life was the life of a normal soldier. You spent most of your life in the army barracks in Dura-Europos. You occasionally protected caravans.<br><br>But then, one day, you were stung by a scorpion that must have been poisonous. You got significantly sick, and eventually passed out and died. You've been dead for 2,000 years, and never heard of the collapse of the Roman Empire, the Renaissance, the rise of the nation-state, the industrial revolution, the two world wars, the Cold War, the collapse of the Soviet Union, 9/11, the War on Terror, or the 2020 Election.<br><br>Well, 2,000 years later, a bunch of college kids found your body and decided to bring the corpse to Arizona State University. They've run a million tests on you, but the conclusion is that you're a Roman soldier from near Dura-Europos. The moment you "woke up" from death, you were put into a psychiatric ward in Phoenix, Arizona. They've explained the basics of the modern world to you, but you still don't understand it. You miss your old life in the Empire.<br><br>One day, the crazy place you're in has decided you're ready to go out in public. You're given "modern clothes" and put on a bus to the nearest Wal Mart. You're to go there, and then pick up certain items that will be provided to you later. You don't even know what Wal Mart is, but you're off the bus and walking in the front door.<br><br>What happens?