My little half sister and how I wish I could be with her

I'm (26F) the oldest of 5. I've got 3 half siblings (4F, 8F, 13F) and 1 full brother (11M). I live on my own. <br><br>Speaking of the 4 year old, she's always been my sweetheart. Her name is Ashley. She's my father's biologic daughter, her mother died during child birth. It's been very hard for me to see her because she reminds me of my mother, who suffered the same thing but passed away during my own birth. I didn't grow up with her, but we bonded when I got back to my hometown. She's the reason I'm still there. <br><br>Ashley is a bright, bubbly little girl. She's always smiling and laughing, and her eyes sparkle so when she performs for me, when she's happy, or when she's excited. I love making her happy. <br><br>I wish I could be with her. I feel like I'm in the position of a parent, and it's wrong. It feels like my roles should be reversed. I want to be the 4 year old and have her be the adult. I just want to be with her so bad. And yet half the time she tells me she hates me, that I should leave and never come back. I can't listen though, I have to stay with her because I love her so much. <br><br>We can't ever be together, and I can't even say anything to her about this. It's killing me. <br><br>I can't stop thinking of her and fantasizing about her. I think about her when I masturbate. I can't stop.