I had a life once

No, I not talking about my past life I did not live in the 1920’s or any other job. I am talking about the way I lived in the past. I used to have a strong passion for life. I used to have crazy coming out stories. I was the life of the party. I had so much energy. I had so much confidence. I loved life. I loved the world. I loved people. I loved everything. I found joy in everything. I was so funny. I was so spontaneous. I was so loyal. I thought I was going to live forever. I thought I was going to take over the world. I thought I was going to be the greatest entertainer of all time. When I was in my 20’s I wanted to be the next big thing or at least have crazy coming out stories. I wanted to be like a famous rapper whose raps are about how dope they are, about how good they are. I wanted to be like a rockstar. I wanted to be like the coolest guy in the club. I wanted to be the most confident man on earth. I wanted to be the king of the world. I wanted to be invincible. I felt invincible. I wanted to either be the greatest entertainer of all time or be like that one person who always has the craziest coming out stories. That one guy who always accepts challenges. That one guy who always does the craziest shit. That one guy who never backs down. The one guy who is never afraid. The one guy who always does the unthinkable. I wanted not to be afraid of anything. I wanted to be the guy who didn’t care. I wanted to be the life of the party. I wanted to be the class clown. I wanted to be the life of everybody’s party. I wanted to be the one who keeps people laughing. I wanted to be the one who always knows what to say. I wanted to be the guy who makes people smile. I wanted to be the guy who is so funny. I wanted to be the guy who is so spontaneous. I wanted to be the guy who always makes you laugh. I wanted to be the guy who makes everyone laugh. I wanted to be the funniest guy in the world. I wanted to make the world laugh. I wanted to make everyone laugh. I wanted to make the world smile. I wanted to make everyone smile. I wanted to be the guy who makes the world smile. I wanted to make the world happy. I wanted to make everyone happy. I wanted to be the guy who makes everyone happy. I was the guy who made everyone laugh. I was the guy who made everyone smile. I was the guy who made everyone happy. I was the guy who was never afraid. I was the guy who was never afraid to speak his mind. I was the guy who was never afraid to tell the truth. I was the guy who was never afraid to be myself. I was the guy who was never afraid to show my emotions. I was the guy who was so funny. I was the guy who was so spontaneous. That guy is gone. I am not the same guy I used to be. I am nothing like I used to be. I am a mere shadow of my former self. I had a life once. I do not know who I am anymore. I am just a hollow shell of what I used to be. I am completely gone. I am completely dead.