I ghosted my boyfriend of 5 years because he called me a "bitch" and now everyone is mad at me

**UPDATE 2="?/comment/itv6q6d**<br><br><br>**UPDATE** sorry to the people who wanted a fairytale ending but I'm just a human who did what she did for herself. To the hundreds and hundreds of people who continue to reach out in support, I am reading them all. I am sending my love back to you all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support and encouragement. I am not sorry for doing what I did for myself. I am not sorry I invested years into him. I am not sorry I had to walk away from everything and everyone I have ever known. I refuse to feel bad for taking my life back. And if you're in a similar situation, I urge you to do the same. You are not stupid for giving your love to someone, and you know when you deserve better. <br><br>I don't know if I'll update again but I'd appreciate it if I could stop getting DMs asking me if I've "woken up yet" and telling me that I'm being immature/making it up/narcissistic for moving on. Thanks="?<br><br><br>**ORIGINAL**<br><br>I know this is probably a story you've heard before, and I'm sure many of you are going to reach for the pitchforks, so hear me out. <br><br>Back in summer 2018, I met this guy. He was the most genuinely kind, understanding and supportive man I've ever met and I loved him to death. <br><br>He'd been brought up in a Christian family but doesn't believe in God, but he does believe in marriage and doesn't believe in divorce (he'd grown up with several divorced parents between his biological and step parents). <br><br>I didn't have the best relationship with my family, so even though we were young (me 17, him 20), I knew in 2019 that I wanted to marry him. Even though my family felt uncomfortable with our relationship, I was happy and I knew that after finishing school I wanted to marry him and move out. He'd plan on being married in a registry office by 22/23 and then have a big wedding every 5-10 years. <br><br>I was so happy, even though my family hated him. In fact, my family hated him so much that they completely cut me off. They didn't even let me back in the house to get my stuff. <br><br>This man took me in and cared for me, completely selfless and giving me his everything. 3 months after my family kicked me out, we moved into a rented house together. Things were tough, I was finishing school and he was working two jobs, but we were so, so happy. <br><br>We talked about the future, and we were always on the same page. Marriage, kids, owning a home, etc. <br><br>He had a good job with some good prospects, and he was able to put a deposit down on a house for us to move into. I was so happy, we could finally call a place home. <br><br>He never treated me bad, but he was always very defensive. He was never combative, but he would always start and end arguments with the same words "I don't like being called x, y, z", even though I never called him anything hurtful. I was always so considerate and understanding, but he was never able to be vulnerable around me. <br><br>In the early days of our relationship, he would often tell me that he was "the scared one". He'd say he was so scared of losing me and how much it hurt him when I got upset. He'd love watching me cry because he said it made him feel like he could make me feel better. He'd say that he never saw a future without me, and I believed him. <br><br>Whenever I would have a crisis, like problems with school or my family, he'd disappear. He wouldn't be able to cope with it. He'd tell me that I couldn't dump my problems on him, and I'd let it go because I loved him and I felt sorry for him. <br><br>He struggled with anger, he would always get so irritated and would take it out on me. I was never allowed to wear certain things, because he would get angry and say I was acting like a "bitch". He'd always get angry when I would buy something like a swimsuit or a top with a bit of cleavage, or I'd get my hair cut too short or wear makeup. It was hard to make him happy, but I loved him so much. <br><br>But on new years day, even though I was sad that we couldn't celebrate, I still wanted to dress up a bit. I put on a special top that he'd told me he didn't like, but that I loved. He was cooking dinner and as I walked into the kitchen, he looked at me, stared at my chest for a moment and then said "fuck off". <br><br>I stood there stunned, unsure of what was happening. He'd never spoken to me like that before, and I didn't know how to respond. <br><br>"What the fuck is this?" He screamed at me, "Who do you think you are? 5 years together and you still act like a bitch?" <br><br>That was it. I took my phone, wallet and handbag, and I walked out. I didn't look back once and I didn't take anything that was his. <br><br>I went to the nearest hotel and did everything I could to block him out. New email, new phone number, new socials. I asked a friend to change my password on all of my accounts so he couldn't access anything of mine. <br><br>I reached out to my estate agent friends who let me stay in one of their houses while I work on getting a house of my own. I am currently living in a one bedroom house with basically no belongings. <br><br>And you know what? I'm incredibly happy. I'm more self confident than ever, I've never felt freer.<br><br>But I'm scared. I'm scared because my family also don't want anything to do with me. I'm scared because I have no one left. I'm scared because I feel a little bit guilty. <br><br>I don't know if I feel guilty because I did something bad, or because I'm just doing something for myself. I know I deserve it, and this is probably a-naive but I didn't expect it to feel so good. <br><br>I'm not sorry for walking away from him because I know I had to. I'm not sorry for investing my heart and years into someone else. I'm not sorry I don't have any friends or family left. I'm not sorry.