Rekindled. God.

I've recently reconnected with a girl I had a major crush on for more than two years. We were in the same friend group, but never had a romantic relationship. She was the first person to initiate a conversation with me at university, and I remember how cool I thought she was. We became good friends, and at least once a week, we'd go to the university café and just talk for hours about life, love and what we wanted to achieve. But I think I grew lazy. I remember the first time we hung out 1-on-1, I was so nervous, you know how it is when you have a crush on someone. It was good, but I didn't really have anything to talk about. And from that point on, it was tough to get past the awkwardness. I did things that I should not have done, things that undoubtedly pushed her away. I did not appreciate her enough. We lost touch after I graduated. She still went to that university, and I moved away for work. I thought about her all the time though. All the time. We'd see each other at parties, and it would get awkward, but I always enjoyed it. She loved me, I just didn't know how to treat her right.<br><br>Today I found out she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years. The news made me feel sick, and happy at the same time. Happy? God, what a fucking asshole. I rushed to give her my condolences. She thanked me, and told me she was doing alright. I asked if she needed someone to talk to, and said I'd be there in an instant. She said yes, and then I rushed back to my hometown. I hadn't been back there for years, everything looks so different. But the university café was still there, same as it ever was. We talked for hours. I thought she'd be angry at me, but she wasn't. I honestly thought she'd never want to see me again. She was upset about her break-up, but she said she'd recently been questioning her relationship. I think she'd been in love with the idea of being in love, and I'm not saying that to be mean. But it was obvious. I could see it in her eyes. We talked for hours about her relationship, what she wanted to do with her life, and more. She looks so fucking good. I really do love this girl. I always have. But she doesn't know that. I should've told her when I had the chance. But I didn't. I said she looked great, but the words came out wrong. She didn't seem to notice though. But I think she knows. She asked if I wanted to walk around, so we did. It was like nothing had ever changed. And I was so fucking happy. I wanted to hold her hand, but I couldn't. Maybe it's stupid, but I feel like I've been given a second chance. I won't waste it. I love her.