I want to die

I want to die and I've wanted to die all my life. Death is like a dream. I dream of death because I hate my life. I've thought about suicide in a lot of ways and I'm a happy and strong person. I'm not like other people who want to kill themselves and give up on their lives. I've tried to kill myself many times, but it didn't work. You can't even kill yourself if you want to. I've lived my whole life alone, never had any friends. I don't live with my family. I'm 18, I don't have any friends, and I work alone. I'm a baby sitter. That's my job. You can imagine how sad my life is. At least everyone has family and friends. I don't even have that. Why do I live a meaningless life? I want to die, but I don't want to live either.