I can’t even break up with her. How do I?

Im in a 4 year relationship, 23 years old. We had a fight, and I discovered she was secretly going to a bar and lying to me about it.<br><br>I get she doesn’t have to tell me every detail, but if I found out she’s been lying to me for months that instantly leads to a lot of suspicions in my head and a ton of trust issues. We had a fight about it and she even said she didn’t want to break up but she’s dark in the sense she will immediately see the negative outcome of things. She said “we’re gonna be heartbroken. I don’t want to break up. But I don’t know. I feel like I’ve hurt you beyond repair.”<br><br>I feel like deep down she’s feeling guilty and wants to break up but doesn’t want to cause pain because she loves me and knows I’ll be dark and sad and suicidal for awhile. She was wrong. She can’t even deny it. So she should be that one to break up with me. But I’m the one who should initiate it because she darkened the room with those hurtful words.<br><br>I confronted her. We agreed she lied and she doesn’t want to break up. I said if we break up now we can both move on quickly and even though it’ll hurt for awhile, we’ll both be better off if we break up now.<br><br>But I feel like I’m manipulating her because that’s not what I really want. I want to stay together. I don’t want to lose the person I love but I don’t want to continue a relationship with someone who lies to me. I love her, I don’t want to let her go but I know I have to.<br><br>I want to know how I should break up with her. I get that text and email are puss ways. I know I should talk to her in person. But I don’t know what to say. Right now I’m saying I want to break up with her for us and even though I know we both love each other I would hurt her unless I get the conversation right.<br><br>What do I say? How do I approach it? I’m prepared to see tears and her scaring the neighbors with screaming and crying. I’m prepared to lose the love of my life. I want to do it right. How should I do it?