I left my boyfriend because he didn't want to have kids. It was a mistake.

Last year I got dumped for the first time in my life. I was 26 at the time, and all my previous relationships had ended because I broke it off. What's worse is that my ex left me because I realised that I didn't want to have kids. <br><br>The relationship was going fantastically well. My ex and I had been together for 16 months and were living together. We met at a good time in our lives and we were very well matched in terms of our personalities. We were very compatible in every way; our hobbies, interests, sense of humour, etc. I loved him for who he was more than I'd ever loved anyone before.<br><br>But we couldn't agree on having kids. I knew all along that I wanted kids. I'm from a big family, and I've always loved kids and love being around them. I always assumed that I'd be a mother before 30 and that's actually what made me join this subreddit. I come from a family where breeding kinks are very much in the family. Our breeding culture is actually in the blood in the sense that my mum, her mum, her mum, ad infinitum, have all been in relationships where they waited until they were "knocked up" before having sex with their partners.<br><br>The relationship that faltered last year was the first time I'd ever been with someone who didn't want to have kids. Not just that, but who actively didn't want to have kids. He had grown up in care, and so his childhood was spent in several different households, and he didn'y feel like a "regular" family dynamic. He also felt like he "missed out" on things because he never really had any siblings.<br><br>My ex said he didn't want to have kids because he felt like he'd be ruining the life of our child. He said he couldn't give them the things he felt he'd missed out on in his childhood, and that he would be depriving them of a "family" because of his own experiences. I respected his decision, but the thought of not being able to have kids put a strain on the relationship. I didn't want to leave him, but I also didn't want to give up on the idea of being a mother.<br><br>I should have stayed. I should have taken the risk and offered to compromise. I could have offered to wait another year or two, to see if his mind changed. I didn't give him that opportunity. I said he had to be open to the idea of having kids or I couldn't be in the relationship any more. I didn't want to be in a relationship that was doomed to end, and I didn't want to waste anymore time.<br><br>We broke up a year ago, and I was heartbroken. We'd only been together for 16 months, but I'd never been more in love with someone before. It didn't make sense because I'd always assumed that I wanted to be a mother before I turned 30. It didn't make sense because we'd been so compatible in every way and I wanted him so badly I could smell it. <br><br>I spent the last 12 months in a depression. I took my time to get over him. I didn't see or speak to him at all after we broke up. I don't even know where he is now. I went through some really difficult and dark times. I eventually started dating other people, but none of them were right for me. They weren't him. I felt like I'd ruined my chance at happiness.<br><br>I'm 28 now and I've just started seeing someone new, who I've fallen for. It's been 6 months and I'm in love again. It's nothing like what I felt for my ex. This new guy is more tall and handsome than my ex. He has a better voice, and a hotter accent. It's working out really well and we're also living together, and are very compatible. Recently I had my pregnancy scare and I'm just a few days late, but my period just came. I was expecting it, as I'm usually very regular, but it still hit me hard. Even though I know it's not the right time for me to have kids, it wounded me to my core to get my period. I've been upset about it for days. I've come to realise over the past year and a half that I don't want to have a family of my own. I don't want to be a mother. A big part of me just wants to be a hot young bride, and have lots of sex with my husband. That's all.<br><br>But the thought of not being able to have kids is distressing to me. I feel wounded to my core like I've missed my chance. I feel like I just want to be in a relationship with someone where I can just focus on having lots of sex and lots of kids. I feel like I need to be in a relationship that will keep me pregnant and fulfilled, and make me happy. But I also feel like that's too much of a risk to make. At my age, it's expected to be in a long term relationship or married before having kids. To have kids young is just seen as irresponsible.<br><br>I feel like life has given me a second chance and I've been gifted another chance at happiness, but I'd be ruining that chance if I give myself over to my desire to be a young mother and bride. I feel like I would be throwing away everything I've worked towards if I just let go and let myself have what I want. I just wish my ex and I could have worked it out. I wish I could have given him the chance to have a family if that's what he wanted. I feel like I've let him and myself down.