I'm finally feeling lonely

I've lost so many people in the past 2 years of my life, most of them surprisingly close to me. I've had a hard time, but most of the time I'm pretty okay. It's like I'm over it. It's finally hitting me now. It feels like I'm this person I see in the movies and not real, like something feels off. I'm sitting in the dark in my room listening to music and I'm really sobbing for the first time.<br><br>I've always felt alone, but now it feels like I'm finally lonely. I want to die. I want people to love me. I want to love people. I want to share my feelings with them and be loved, but I'm afraid to. Every time I finally do I lose them and it hurts. I'm so tired of hurting. I just want to die.<br><br>I'm sorry, I know this is weak and most of you have dealt with much worse trial. I just wanted to say it out loud. Sorry again.