If you're suicidal because of women and/or Society learn to play golf.

Im not suicidal but had a terrible experience today and wanted to share it with the herd. It gives me solace to come and share my low status misadventures with you guys. Thanks for listening. <br><br>Background: Im a 20 yo engineering student and a highschool dropout. I started at 15 and dropped out 2 years later. Im now 19 and im already in my second year of college. When the semester ends, ill be 20 and in my 3rd year. I live in Mexico but i had to move to spain to go to college because i dont have a hs diploma. I dont speak very good basque but i dont care. It sucks to live in mexico. I miss my country but ill rather live in this shithole than the shithole that is mexico. <br><br>I was born in Madrid 15 years ago and moved to mexico when i was 5. My dad cheated on my mom with his secretary and they broke up when i was 4. Honestly i dont remember much of that but i remember my mom always crying and complaining about my dad cheating and abandoning us. I loved my dad though, he was very kind with me and not the type to spoil me but i dont remember him ever hitting me or yelling at me. When i was 5 we left to mexico and i spent most of my childhood in Merida. My dad is basque so he moved to basque country when i was 10 so i could learn basque and get to know my heritage. I now speak 3 languages decently and one very badly. My mom and dad live in the same city but in different neighborhoods and i live with my dad. Im not in contact with my mom but i hear about her once in a while through my dad. We dont have a lot of money but i get good pocket money for a mexican 20 year old. Was 20 year old<br><br>Last year i came to spain without speaking a word of basque and on the first day i met a girl, Begoña. She was v pretty and we both play volley so we got along great. She doesnt play volley like me though, she plays competitive volley. I havent played volley since i left Mexico and although i miss it, i already decided i dont was to be a pro volleyball player anymore. I just dont. But i continued playing it in spain. I dont have many hobbies. I like playing golf even more though but it's expensive for a broke college student. I dont spend much money though and dont have any credit cards or loans. <br><br>Begoña and i became fast friends and eventually we started dating. I liked her a lot and she liked me. I was 19 when we met and she was 18. I remember she used to call me "mi pichon" and i used to call her "mi corazón". We were happy. She was a very attractive girl but i dont know if she was a 10. I dont know a lot about women, was married for a year and that's the only relationship i had ever had. I dont have any siblings and was home schooled in mexico and in spain. I dont have many friends. I like animals though, even though i dont have any pets. My father was very strict with me. He sent me to church every sunday i was in spain. He continued sending me to church even when i was in mexico. He didnt hit me though, unless i was misbehaving. It happened very rarely. My mom was very nice to me though. I love my mom more than my dad. She had a lot of lovers and was a very promiscuous woman but i think she loved me. I remember she used to take me to church too but not to mass. Just to the church, alone at night, to talk to God and pray. Somehow i never got freaked out and i always accompanied her. I was deep in my faith but not anymore. <br><br>I dont know why but Begoña left me last week, out of the blue. I was very sad and depressed and tried to commit suicide by cutting my wrists. I dont know why but i didnt die and im still alive. Somehow i didnt cut deep enough and my dad found me before i died. He took me to the hospital and they put some stitches in my wrists. He continued being nice with me and didnt yell at me like he used to when i was a kid. He just said "what would i do without my little elephant?" I dont know why he calls me elephant but im okay with it. I like elephants. They are very noble animals. <br><br>I got out of the hospital today and im okay. The pain is gone and im feeling much better. My dad let me take the weekend off school and invited me to play golf today. He doesnt play golf and he knows i like it so he took me to the golf course. I dont know why but i decided to dress up for it and although i looked like a douche bag i was very happy. My dad even said i looked like a very handsome young man. I continued thinking of Begoña and i was very sad but when i started playing golf i forgot about her. I forgot i was a highschool dropout. I forgot my mom cheated on my dad. I forgot i was a little piece of shit and i was in peace even if it was for a little while. When i was hitting the ball, i felt in peace and all my pain went away. <br><br>So if you're feeling down, play some golf.<br><br>PD: Sorry if i wrote a lot of shit. English is not my native language.<br><br>Edit: Wow, this blew up. Im sorry to disappoint but im not killing myself. Im okay now and actually studying for my exam. Thank you all for the support and love. I cant answer all the comments because i have to study but im reading them all. Love you guys. <br><br>Edit 2: You guys convinced me to send Begoña a message on instagram. False, i did it as soon as i posted. She says she doesnt know why she blocked me and she missed me a lot. She's gonna come with me to the golf course tomorrow. Im not gonna update because i dont think you care. Thanks for the support. Love you guys.