One time I stole the Whole Foods Market cart, not just the food. And I sold it for $220. Here’s how.

Hi. This is my first post. It’s 3am and I’m drunk, so I’m gonna try and keep it simple. <br><br>I used to work at this one company, and they provided us meals. One day, we were short on tables and chairs so our manager asked me to take a trip to the nearby Whole Foods to rent out some of their display market carts and use them as tables. <br><br>I pull up, walk in and ask two employees at the cheese counter, “Where can I find the shopping carts I can use for display purposes? To proove I’m not stealing, I’d like to ask you both to personally unlock the display shopping carts for me.” They say go outside and find one of the big red ones. They’re not locked and are the display carts. I walk outside and find one, and roll it in. The cheese people see me rolling it in and don’t say anything. It’s 6pm on a Friday and they’re busy. Now I have this cart, and I walk up to the cheese people again and say “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go load up on some cheese to put in the display cart.” So I roll the cart into the cheese section, and start filling it up with these blocks of fancy cheeses. They’re like, $25-$50 each, and I’m just piling them on. The cart is empty so it’s not hard to fill it up. To proove I’m not stealing, I go up to the cheese workers and I’m like “I couldn’t fit everything on here, so I’m gonna go grab a second display cart.” They say “you don’t have to tell us, we know you’re working with corporate and getting the display carts.” <br><br>So I go outside and grab another cart and load it up with more display food. By now, I have probably 20 blocks of fancy cheeses, like 5-10 pounds, and I’m rolling the cart out the door. I walk up to the cheese people again and I’m like “One last time, I’ll be right back. I’m gonna go put this food in the company fridge and come back to grab some meats for the display carts.” So I roll the whole foods cart (now loaded up with 10lbs of fancy cheeses) down the street and into the parking garage of my building and into the elevator. I walk it into the fridge and throw the food on the top shelf, and walk back to whole foods. On the way back, I stop at a bar and get a drink. I roll the cart back in the whole foods, and pretend like I was just there the whole time at the bar. I go back up to the cheese people at the cheese counter and I’m like “I changed my mind. I don’t need the second cart. It’s too big and bulky. I’m gonna go put it back and come back and get some meats for this cart.” <br><br>I roll it back outside, down the street and back into my parking garage. This time, I bring the cheeses with me and load them into my car. I go back to whole foods and tell them I changed my mind again, I actually do want the display cart after all, so I roll it back in and go back up to the cheese counter and I’m like “Hey guys, I’m gonna go pick out some meats” and I hang out at the meat counter for 10 minutes. Then I go back up to the cheese counter and say “I got kicked out by the employees at the meat counter. They thought I was weird. You guys are my buddies in the cheese department, so I thought I’d just go ahead and bring it to you guys that the employees at the meat counter kicked me out.” They’re like “We don’t believe you. What’s going on here. You’re the third weird thing to happen to us in the past hour.” I’m like “I got kicked out by the employees for trying to give them cheese. I was trying to barter with them. I had this block of cheese here and I offered to trade it to them for some salami and prosciutto.” They say okay well let’s look at the security cameras. <br><br>Well, it turns out the guy I talked to at the meat counter was a bitch, so he had called security about me earlier in the day. So when the cheese workers pull up the cameras, the first clip is from an hour before I first approached them, when I was talking with the guy at the meat counter. I’m standing there at the cheese counter explaining my whole ordeal to these two guys, and they’re like “Dude you were here an hour ago at the meat counter? We thought you were just a normal customer who wanted to use our display carts. You came up to us and asked us about the display carts and since you were talking to us and asking us questions, we thought you weren’t trying to steal anything. But it turns out you’re just some weird guy who walks around the grocery store for an hour talking to people about the display carts. Do you want to call your mom or something to come pick you up in our display cart? We’re gonna have to ask you to leave.”<br><br>So I roll the cart out of the parking lot and into a nearby alleyway, where I leave it overnight. Had to abandon ship. <br><br>The next day, I come back to it and it’s still there. So I roll it down the street and into a bar, and I walk up to the bartender and I’m like “I’ll trade you this cart for 10 bud lights.” He’s like “Make it 5 and you got yourself a deal.” I drink the beers really slow and I tell him some more stories about whole foods. By the time I finish the last beer, he’s like “You know what, you’re a cool guy. I don’t really need this cart. Why don’t I just give you $220 for it? I know the owner of this bar really well, and he won’t care.” So I took that money and I went across the street to the whole foods and bought a block of cheese and some salami and prosciutto and made myself a sandwich. So in the end, I got the $220 and I also got the sandwich. The best part about it is I kept in touch with the bartender for a year or so and he still had the cart. He took it to a few music festivals and used it as a DJ table, so it lived a good life after me.<br><br>Edit: I don’t condone shoplifting. I do condone eating salami sandwiches. Also not sure if you guys are ready for this yet, but there’s a whole Facebook gangsta market where people sell exclusively stolen items at discounted prices. The one I buy from has some sort of deal worked out with the local Target where he gets all the returns for the store and he’ll sell them to you for 20-30% of the original price. This is how I buy all my gangsta shit. Anyway, if you lived in the Bay Area you’d know about it. Just saying, I don’t think all that much about the ethics of shoplifting. Not saying go out and do it, but if you do, be careful, and if you get caught, be cool. Don’t be like Josh. Fuck Josh. Anyway, that’s my story.