AITA for getting up from the table, during dinner at in-laws, and calling my wife a jerk?

My wife (38F) and I (39M) are having some issues with our 11 year old daughter Judy. She has always been a picky eater, but lately she's been refusing to eat with us, and instead wants to eat her own food, in her own room, while on her phone. We've been arguing a lot about how to handle it. I want to make her join us, and my wife thinks we should give her space.<br><br>We went to my in-laws for dinner, and she packed sandwiches for Judy, knowing full well that she'd rather die than eat the pot roast my MIL made. My MIL went off when she learned that Judy wasn't going to join the table, but we explained that she wanted to eat her sandwiches in the car. MIL made some comments about how if Judy ever applies for a job, she's not going to be allowed to sit in her car and eat her sandwich.<br><br>I told her it was no big deal, but my wife said that maybe MIL had a point, and that it would be good for Judy to join the table. I argued that Judy was hungry, and would rather eat her sandwiches, and my wife said "fine, let her starve then". I got up, grabbed my daughter, and said let's get out of here before things get worse.<br><br>In the car, I told Judy that she's not a jerk for being a picky eater, but that her mother was acting like one. Judy smiled, and we went home.<br><br>My wife called me and went off about how I embarrassed her, and made a scene at her parents' house. I said that she embarrassed me by suddenly switching sides, and calling our daughter a jerk.<br><br>She's still mad at me, and I don't think this will end soon.<br><br>Update:<br><br>I didn't think it'd be necessary to list all the things we've tried, since it was just a quick post, but a lot of people seem to be asking, so I'll list a few:<br><br>- forcing her to eat what we eat<br><br>- letting her help with cooking<br><br>- asking her what she'd like to eat instead<br><br>- punishment, by taking away her phone, and tv privileges<br><br>- giving her choices within a category (e.g. beans or carrots)<br><br>- letting her invite a friend over<br><br>- making her help shop for groceries<br><br>- making her help set up the table <br><br>- giving her rewards for eating with us<br><br>- letting her pick the restaurant when we go out to eat<br><br>- making her help clear the table after the meal<br><br>- making her call her grandparents to apologize for not joining us<br><br>I'm not saying that we've done everything we could, or that we didn't screw up at any point, but we've tried a lot.<br><br>Some suggested that she's hungry because she doesn't eat enough, but she's gaining weight just fine.<br><br>Some have suggested that there might be bullies at school who don't like her eating with them, but I think she'd have told us about it.<br><br>My wife called earlier today, to apologize for calling our daughter a jerk. I accepted the apology, but she still thinks that I was an asshole for embarrassing her at her parents' house.<br><br>Thanks for the awards.