My bizarre experience from a Mil/da relationship (PLEASE READ! I HAVE IMPORTANT INFO FOR YOU!)

I am a 27 yo man from central Europe and I read a fair bit of incest related content (and I do not mean mature/young or age gap stuff, I literally mean incest). I read these fictional stories (let's call them that way) on various adult websites, and I must admit that I enjoyed them a lot. <br><br>I read a lot of different types of incest (B/da, Sis/bro, Mil/da, Or/dad etc.) but I enjoyed the Mil/da and Or/dad type of content the most. I was so hooked on them that I must have read literally tens of thousands of stories over a period of a couple of months.<br><br>Anyway these are not the main things I want to talk about. I want to talk about the experience I had. I am a pretty "normal" guy with a normal (I guess) sex life (I am not virgin, but unfortunately not very active either) and with no mental health issues (I guess). It was not long ago when one morning I woke up, and I was feeling a bit less energetic than I normally would, and a bit more gassy than I normally would be. I looked in the mirror and I saw that my eyes were a bit more yellow than normal and my skin looked a lot paler than normal. You can guess how shitty I felt. I took a few days off work, and from that point, periodical short spells of fatigue kept being in my life for a long time. I was feeling tired, gassy, and I was feeling pain in my stomach. I went to a few doctors (first GP, then specialist) and they did not really know what was wrong with me. I had a few blood tests done and nothing was wrong with my liver, kidneys, pancreas etc. Obviously I remained a bit (or very) sick for a long time after that. <br><br>One day my mom came to visit me, while I was staying at home. She made me (amongst other things) a bechamel sauce that she stirred in a tomato sauce, and they were both mixed into pasta. We had a little chat, but I was not in the best shape. I was previously used to these sauces, and I loved them. Anyway, when my mom left I ate that pasta, and after I finished it I felt extremely tired and my stomach was hurting a lot. I was very gassy, and I even threw up a few times. I was in a very bad shape that day. It was at that point when I realized that my condition is caused by these sauces. I sadly have had to give them up since then as I am no longer able to eat them. It was not easy as I loved them, but I have felt a lot better since I stopped eating them. I was finally able to go to the gym again and I was feeling a lot more energetic than I used to feel. But the main conclusion from that story is that I feel a bizarre need to develop a sexual relationship with my mom, whom I love a lot on a non-sexual level. I wanted to add that I was only thinking about women in my age group (I am 27) before this whole thing happened. It was also very strange for me, as I previously never really looked at mature women in a sexual way. I must admit that my mom looks very good, she is in a very good shape, and she was, and still is very beautiful, but I always looked at her as a mom. It was hard to understand what was happening to me, but in the end I had to act on it, as I was feeling very close to my mom, and I was wanted to be sexually active with her. I am not ashamed to say this, it was not something I would have chosen for myself, but I wanted to be with my mom. <br><br>We did engage in sexual activities, including intercourse. It did not happen impulsively, it took time, and I am not proud of what I did. But I had to do it, I was feeling very close to my mom. She is wonderful and kind, she looks after me so much, and she loves me so much. When we were finally alone, and we were in a private setting she initiated the sexual activities. I am not trying to blame anyone. I was very happy when it happened, a very odd feeling. But It had a lot of bizarre consequences, and now we both regret what we did. We are both not in a good place mentally. We have abandoned our lives in different ways, she has became an alcoholic (and a heavy one), and I lost my job. I am not able to find a new job, and I am now depressed from what I have done. I have been in a very difficult situation. I am trying to find my way out, but it is difficult. We have discussed it and both of us agree that this is a very selfish thing to do. I couldn't care less about my own mental health, but I jeopardized her as well. <br><br>It is what it is, not much we can do. But I want to warn you (whoever is reading this) I was on a website reading fictional stories and I did not think too much of them. But then, this is what happened. I have no idea why, and I don't want to know. But I had to act on my urges, and I had to go through with the whole thing. And this is where I am now. A depressed person, without a job, with no future in sight. I am not a good looking person and my Mil/da relationship did not end well. I am not good looking, I am 5'7, 27 years old, I am balding, and I have a lot of acne. I am not sorry that I slept with my mom, but I am sorry that she was affected as well. I was feeling very close to her, and I wanted to be with her. But I am not able to get a job, and I am depressed. I am not after any sympathy, I am after warning you. This is the outcome of my Mil/da relationship. This is who I am now. I feel like a waste of space, and I do not want you to be in my place. So please, be careful, do not end up like me. Do not develop sexual feelings for your mothers. She is and will always be your mother, and nothing more.<br><br>EDIT: I would like to add that if anyone is experiencing Mil/da urges in a similar way, please act with restraint and patience. You are not alone! I have acted on it impulsively and I have paid the price for it. I am not openly advocating for a bizarre things, but if we develop strong feelings for someone we should not act on it impulsively. We should wait for a while to see how strong these feelings are, and how long they will last. <br><br>EDIT 2.: Thank you so much for your kind support and words! It means a lot to me. Thank you for your brave support!