Every night, my girlfriend wakes me up to tell the exact same joke.

Before i start, i feel like i should let something very clear: I absolutely love Ellen. We've been living together for about three years now, and in that time, i have seen her grow into one of the most clever, charming, and humorous people i have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I was in love with her before we even started dating, and i love her more and more every day.<br><br>Last year, we moved into our first house together. It was a small ranch, but it had an enormous backyard that Ellen could use for her gardening. It was everything we had ever wanted, and we were finally able to feel like adults. The first few months were wonderful. We spent every evening gardening, cooking together, and just enjoying each others company.<br><br>About four months ago, however, things started taking a turn for the worse. It all started with a joke. I'm not sure why, but one night, Ellen woke me up in the middle of the night, sat on my chest, and said:<br><br>"Hey boy, why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"<br><br>I was a little shocked, groggy, and confused, but i laughed anyways and told her it was really cute. She smiled, hugged me, and went back to sleep. I didn't think much of it, figuring it was some sort of dream or freak event.<br><br>The next night, the same thing happened. I woke up to her sitting on my chest, smiling, and saying:<br><br>"Hey boy, why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"<br><br>This time, i was a bit annoyed. Half because i was being woken up in the middle of the night, but mainly because i knew it wasn't her. She had never done anything like this before, and it just felt wrong.<br><br>The next night, i decided to do something about it. I stayed up for as long as i could, and when i felt like she had fallen asleep, i got into bed. I waited for her to do it again, and sure enough, i was right. 3:04 is the time etched into my brain forever, because that is the time she woke me up every night. It didn't take long for me to realize that there was something seriously wrong with her.<br><br>The first few nights, i tried to gently shake her out of it. I shook her, yelled at her, and even tried to lock her out of the room. Nothing worked. Every night, at exactly 3:04, she would sit on my chest and tell me that same joke. Shortly after, she would fall asleep on the spot, and i would have to push her off me.<br><br>I was at wits end. I felt like i was going insane. I couldn't sleep, and i was starting to feel like i was being haunted by her. I knew something had taken over her body, and turned her into this robot that was more dead than alive. I knew i had to do something, but i didn't know what. In a last ditch effort, i decided to take her to a sleep specialist.<br><br>The doctor ran a series of tests on her, from EEGs to MRIs. Nothing appeared out of the ordinary, other than the fact that she had entered a deep sleep as soon as he had tried to run the tests. He seemed to find it odd, but didn't think much of it.<br><br>The next night, i brought her back to the doctor. I asked if he would stay with me until 3:04, and he agreed. We hung out in the waiting room for hours, and at 3:04, Ellen sat up, hopped off the table, and walked to the doctor until she finally sat atop his chest and said:<br><br>"Hey boy, why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"<br><br>The doctor was shocked. I've never seen a man of his age move so fast. He ran to his office and cranked out a bunch of numbers on his computer, and then handed me a piece of paper.<br><br>"Take her here", he said. "and don't talk about this to anybody".<br><br>I took her home and went to sleep, then spent the rest of the day following the directions on the paper. It lead me to an old shack in the middle of nowhere. I looked at the sign, and my heart sank. It said "US Army Sleeping Disorder Research Facility". I had an inkling that something was wrong with her, but i had no idea it was to this extent. I felt a burning anger in my chest as i opened the door and was immediately greeted by an older looking man.<br><br>"Can i help you?" He said.<br><br>I handed him the paper, and his face turned white. "You must be the boyfriend", he said. "I can't believe she's still doing it". He took a deep breath. "Let's sit down and talk".<br><br>The man explained that a few years ago, the government had been trying to create a new breed of super soldier. Using hypnosis and other tactics, they had developed a way to plasticize the human brain. They had created a new form of mind control, one that had never been seen before. These super soldiers would do anything they were ordered to do. They were given orders, hypnotized, and then had the orders implanted in their brain. Even after the hypnosis wore off, the orders would still be carried out.<br><br>He went on to explain that Ellen had been a subject, and that something had gone wrong in the process. They had hypnosized her, and then somehow, she had been woken up mid operation. The orders had been implanted, but they hadn't been given their final commands. Therefore, they had been stuck in this endless loop of trying to give commands that had never been given to them. In essence, she had never woken up from the hypnosis.<br><br>I stood up, shocked. "You did this to her?"<br><br>"I was there, yes, but i didn't do it. I just watch the footage. I'm a reviewer. I watch old experiments and pick out what went wrong", he said.<br><br>"Was there a way to fix her?" I asked.<br><br>"No", he said. "You can't control her. She's a lost cause. It's been years since the experiment was run. You can't break hypnosis that has been active for this long."<br><br>I couldn't believe what he was telling me. I stood up, and walked out. I felt like i had been punched in the stomach. I had known something was wrong with her, but i had no idea it was this bad.<br><br>I took her home. Even if there was no hope, i wasn't going to give up on her. I still loved her, more than anything. I could deal with her waking me up every night, and i could live with the fact that she wasn't really herslef anymore. I just couldn't live without her, and i wasn't going to.<br><br>It's been about a year since this all happened. Last night was no different from the rest. At 3:04, she woke me up, sat on my chest, and said:<br><br>"Hey boy, why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"<br><br>I smiled, and laughed. I know that the woman i once knew is gone, but i don't care. Tonight is special, though. You see, for the first time in over a year, i got a response from her.<br><br>As she got up and went back to sleep, she turned and said "I love you".<br><br>It may not seem like much to you, but to me, it's the world.<br><br>EDIT: I'mhammered on wine and can't sleep, so i'll be answering some questions.<br><br>1. I tried splitting up with her. It didn't work. She just followed me everywhere and kept doing it, even when i wasn't asleep.<br><br>2. I've tried ignoring it. I've tried not laughing. I've tried being mean. I've tried being nice. Nothing seems to change it.<br><br>3. Yes, i have tried talking to her during the day. She seems completely normal, and has no recollection of doing anything while she's sleeping.<br><br>4. Yes, i have tried other jokes. She won't say them.<br><br>5. I have tried to weigh her down. I can usually do this with empty water bottles or cans filled with sand. She just breaks through them and comes anyway.<br><br>6. Yes, i have tried moving to a different house or room. It doesn't change anything.<br><br>7. I have tried recording her. It doesn't work. She always finds a way around it.<br><br>8. Yes, i have tried looking into other methods of breaking hypnosis. None of them have worked.<br><br>9. Yes, i am aware that this is the plot of Sucker Punch. Please stop pointing it out.<br><br>10. I don't think she's possessed.<br><br>11. Yes, i do feel abused. But i was abused as a child, and this is nothing in comparison. I can deal with it.<br><br>12. I don't think that she's a "super soldier". From what i can tell, she's just a woman who was under hypnosis and given the command "do not forget". I think they were planning on giving her more orders, but something went wrong before that happened.<br><br>13. I don't know if it's illegal or not, but i have thought about suing the government. Unfortunately, i don't have the money or the willpower to take them to court, even if i had a case.<br><br>Ok, that is all for now. Thanks for the gold, and i'll try to update this whenever i can!