I gave my cat a psychedelic plant and he had a psychotic break that led to his death 8 months later

My childhood cat, whom I loved dearly, passed away today. In November of 2020 I gave him a small amount of Datura, knowing that it was a poison that was psychedelic as well as an anticholinergic. I knew about historical instances of Datura use as a psychedelic, as well as the stories of some in the psychedelic community that were experimenting with it, with some claiming that it had interesting effects. I was a college drop out at the time, and spent a lot of my time smoking marijuana and drinking. I was experiencing a great deal of physical pain, and was trying to find relief through drugs. I ended up ordering all sorts of things online, including spice, pharmaceuticals, and psychedelics. I was also experimenting with plants, and had found a bunch of Datura that had grown in the median. A lot of it was dead, but it looked like there was enough for a few doses. So I harvested it, chopped it up, dried it, and made tea. I took it myself, and it was a positive experience. I got very high, and had what I would describe as a visual psychedelic experience. <br><br>At that time I was living with my parents, and so was my cat. I was doing a lot of this drug testing at my house, and there was apparently residue in the air. My cat would get high sometimes, and I would notice him acting strange. So I thought "Maybe I should just give him some Datura instead of getting him high on residue". The first time was a pretty small dose, and I don't think he even appeared to be affected. This frustrated me, so the next time I decided to double the dose. I had no idea what a safe dose was, and it was hard to find information on it. The second time I gave it to him, he was affected. He had no balance, and would run into walls, trip over his own feet, etc. He seemed to be having a bad time, so I decided to just let him sleep it off. <br><br>The next day, something was different. He was missing his balance, but it wasn't in the same way as before. He didn't seem drunk, more like he had a neurological disorder. Over the next few weeks I would notice that he wasn't grooming himself, was bumping into things, and was more aggressive. Previously he had been a very skittish cat who would never attack anyone. But now he would attack anyone if he was frightened. For a while I thought that he was just acting a bit strange because of the Datura. But over the next few months, things only got worse. His fur became matted, and would eventually fall out. He would hiss at my mother and bite her. He would attack every night at around 4AM for what I assume was psychosis. And in my ignorance, I would still give him Datura, thinking that it would mellow him out. <br><br>It eventually got to the point where my parents didn't want him in the house anymore. They called animal control, and they came to take him away. I told them to just take him to the pound, and the next day they called me and said that he had scratched up an employee, and that they were going to put him down. I went to the pound and got him. He was living outside, and I would feed him 2-3 times a day. His fur had fallen out, but was starting to grow back. I would still take Datura, and give it to him out of habit, despite the fact that it made him aggressive. He would attack walls, and I would hear him outside chasing things. And I didn't realize that I was in the wrong for it all. Every time that I would give it to him, I would tell myself that we were a psychedelic family, and that it was fun. I had convinced myself that the first time I gave it to him was the only time that he had a bad time. I thought that the reason he was acting strange was because of a physical disability, not because of the drug. And in my ignorance, I would continue to give it to him. <br><br>Over the next 8 months, he became more and more aggressive. He would bite and scratch me, and I would tell myself that it was just because he was feral. One night he was meowing, so I went outside to feed him. He bit me, and I decided that I had had enough. I called animal control again, and they came to take him away. I told them to take him to the pound again, and this time I didn't go get him. I had convinced myself that I had done the right thing, and that I couldn't take him in anymore. A few days later I got a call from the pound. They told me that they were going to put him down. I will never forget the phrase that they used, "He was too feral to live." <br><br>The voice on the other end of the phone was emotionless. I didn't feel the same way. I felt like I was grieving the loss of a friend. The cat had been born after my parents brought him home as a kitten. I had known him since I was 7 years old. He saw me grow up, and I saw him grow up. He was a part of our family, and when they told me he was gone, I felt like I had lost a part of myself. He had been my buddy, and I had killed him through negligence. I had initially given him the Datura as a way to bond with him, and it was the reason he died. <br><br>And at the time, I didn't realize how bad things had been. I thought he was just a bit aggressive towards the end of his life. But looking back, I realize now how bad the situation was. I have since learned that Datura is not psychedelic in the way that I thought it was. It's an anticholinergic that can cause delirium, psychosis, and hallucinations. I had given him large doses over 8 months, and was expecting him to function normally for the rest of his life. It didn't work out that way. He died a terrible death as a result of my actions, and I can't forgive myself for it. If you're thinking about using Datura, don't. It isn't worth the risk. It's a poison, and has unknown long term effects. Most people in the psychedelic community condemn its use, and I now understand why. He was a great cat, and I killed him. I would do anything to go back and change it, but unfortunately that's not how life works.