What To Do To Help Your Relationship With Your Chubby Partner

Many of you have been asking me what your role is in your relationship with a plus sized partner. What can you do to help? Here are some answers. <br><br>Your role is to make your partner feel sexy and loved and that your love for her is UNCONDITIONAL.<br><br>**From the beginning:**<br><br>1. When we first meet you, we are terrified you are only into us because we’re fat and you like fat girls. We’re scared you see the pictures of fat women in lingerie and bikinis that you have saved on your phone, and we are terrified that we can’t compete with that. <br>2. We’re so scared to send you intimate pictures because we don’t know what you see first, the lingerie or the chub. <br>3. When we first sleep with you, we’re afraid that you will not be able to handle all of those extra pounds. We are so scared you will be disappointed, so we don’t give our all in the beginning.<br>4. We are so self conscious of our weight and our bodies, and it is so hard to feel sexy when we see the pictures of skinny women you have on your phone and know that they’re all you’ve ever seen.<br><br>**When you bring up our weight:**<br><br>1. If you tell us that you love our weight, do you say it in the same tone as you say everything else? Or is it in a different, softer tone? It makes us feel like we’re something special, something to be handled with care. <br>I’ve even had partners tell me I’m so pretty, “for a chubby girl” or that they love me, “even though I’m chubby.” We are not something to be treated differently or spoken to differently. That’s embarrassing.<br>We want to hear it in your normal tone, that you love our weight. We want to believe it, to feel like you mean it.<br>2. If we complain about our weight, don’t tell us not to. We know you don’t see it like we do, and we are trying to work through it. If we want to be skinnier, know that it’s not because we feel like you want us to be. It’s because we want to be skinny. It’s okay to be skinny. <br>If you want us to tell you if you gain weight, we want you to tell us if you like something we’re wearing. Don’t only notice when we complain about something.<br><br>**Being Intimate:**<br><br>1. No, we’re not comfortable with a mirror in the bedroom. Please stop asking us to be.<br>2. We are so nervous about you being on top of us. There’s so many pounds of pressure, and we’re afraid we will suffocate. But we love you and we want you to be happy, so we’ll let you do it. But we’re terrified.<br>3. We don’t like being behind closed doors or in the dark. It feels like you are ashamed. We know you tell us you’re not, but that’s how we feel. We want to be with you all the time.<br>4. If we don’t act like a porn star, that doesn’t mean we’re not enjoying ourselves. We’re working through our insecurities, but we still want to be with you.<br><br>**Your Roles:**<br><br>1. **OUR PARTNERS ARE THE STRONGEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL PART OF OUR RELATIONSHIP**. No, that doesn’t mean you’re weak. Your strength is in the unconditional love you have for us.<br>2. **We are NOT just your pretty girlfriend or your fun fat girlfriend**. We are your partner, equal in all aspects.<br>3. **We are NOT your rebound relationship**. Do not see us because you think we are “easier to get that the skinny girl.” We have the same expectations of a relationship, and if you don’t meet them, then we will dump you.<br>4. **We are NOT your fetish.** We are not ripped off of the pages of a magazine. We are not here just to fulfill some fantasy you have about being with a “fat chick” or to see us in a bikini. We are your partner, full of hopes, dreams, desires, and aspirations.<br>5. **We are NOT your baby girl.** We are not your child. We are equal and want to be treated that way.<br>6. **We are NOT your savior or your therapist.** We are your partner, not the person you rely on to keep you sane. Do not lean on us for all of your problems. You must take full responsibility for your own well being, both mentally and physically.<br><br>**When you go to the gym:**<br><br>1. We know the reality is that most people have a weight they want to be or body they wish they had. However, we want to know that you’re doing it for you, not because you are unhappy with us. <br>2. Tell us about all of your workouts. If you had a bad one, we want to know. We want to be your partner, supporting you through your struggles and celebrating your successes. <br>3. If your goal is to be a little chubbier, that’s okay. No, that doesn’t make you gay. It’s okay to want to be fat. It’s okay to want to be skinny. It’s okay to want to be chubby. It’s okay to want to be muscular. It’s okay to want to be tall. It’s okay to want to be short. It’s all okay.<br><br>**In the end:**<br><br>1. Do you go out of your way to make us feel sexy? Do you go out of your way to make us feel loved? Do you go out of your way to make us feel like we’re equal in the relationship?<br>2. Do you make us feel sexy when we’re wearing that lingerie, or just when we’re wearing that lingerie? Do you make us feel sexy when we’re wearing a tiny bikini, or just when we’re wearing that bikini? Do you make us feel sexy when we’re wearing nothing at all? Do you make us feel sexy all the time?<br>3. Do you love us unconditionally? No, that doesn’t mean you never say anything about our weight. It means you want to be with us no matter what. If we gain weight, you love us. If we lose weight, you love us. You love us if we’re healthy. You love us if we’re unhealthy. You love us if we get sick. You love us if we are sad. You love us if we’re depressed. You love us if we have something to overcome. You love us for who we are, no matter what.<br>4. Do you make us feel equal? Do you take our opinion into consideration? Do you let us decide if we want to watch our favorite show? Do you let us decide where you’re going to go for dinner? Do you let us decide if we want to try something new? Do you make us feel like we have a choice and that you love us no matter what we choose? Do you make us feel like we’re the center of the universe? Do you make us feel like we’re the most important thing in the world?<br><br>If you have another question, please ask me! I want to help.