My Top 5 Favorite Lifts (so far)

**1. iPhone 14 Pro Max**<br>I thought people were insane buying these things but when I got my hands on one I understand why. The pictures are incredible. The battery life is insane. The speed is like nothing I've ever seen. I stole it from my local Walmart by nursing it for 20 minutes. The LP was super strict that day and I had to make up a little dance to deflect their attention. The manager was like "Don't throw anything out, it might be lifters trying to distract us." Little did they know it was a 6'3 300 pound man hiding an iPhone under his blubber. <br><br>**2. Lenovo Gaming Laptop**<br>I'm not even a big gamer but man this thing is cool. I used to be anti-laptop because I felt like it was too easy to be caught but I figured out how to do it safely. nursing is my method of choice, everyone thinks you're disgusting and don't even want to get near you. <br><br>**3. 65" Vizio Smart TV**<br>I finally got around to lifting the TV I always wanted. I put it in a dolly, put a Red Bull Vest on it, and walked out with it. Nobody said anything. The funny thing is that the vest was actually a mistake, I was just lazy and didn't take off my Red Bull vest I was wearing to get Cold Hard Cash at a local gas station and put it on the TV for no reason. I didn't expect it to work but hey, I was wrong. I think this might be the pinnacle of my lifting career.<br><br>**4. Apple Watch Ultra**<br>I stole this one a few hours before the iPhone. It's so stupidly easy to get this thing. The display is completely unsecured. I literally just walked over, slapped it in my pocket, and walked out. Nobody said anything. I sold it in a parking lot for $700. This was a bad idea and I almost got robbed but it was exhilarating. <br><br>**5. Kindle Scribe**<br>I stole this one because it looked cool. It's like an Amazon Kindle but you can write on it. I think it's perfect for jotting down notes and taking pictures of funny receipts. I've used it more than I thought I would, but I still didn't find a practical use for it until now. I don't read books so this thing is basically useless to me unless I use it to take receipts. Maybe I'll read a book on it and try to better myself.