Last week a former student messaged me on social media - today I had to learn whether he is still alive.

Last week a former student messaged me on social media to tell me he had been thinking about me and how grateful he was for my influence. I was so touched by his message, and I told him what a bright and capable kid I remembered him to be. We had a nice chat catching up. <br><br>He mentioned he had done some time in prison, but was adamant that he had turned his life around. He was actually doing a lot better than I was at his age, and I told him so. He was kind, thoughtful, and insightful. He had done a lot of reflection on his life and was thinking about going to college. I was touched by his messages, and I was so happy to hear he was thriving. I went to sleep that night feeling hopeful for all my former students. <br><br>Today I am sitting at my desk at school blasting Ed Sheeran and crying. I just learned that my former student was shot and killed on a street corner at 3am early this morning. The police are still investigating. This incident is personal to me because I still teach in the same district where I taught him back in the day. Many of his friends are children of former students of mine, and I still live in the neighborhood where this all happened. <br><br>I can't stop imagining what his final hours were like. I can't stop imagining his family's pain. I'm feeling a lot of survivor's guilt. So many questions. I'm just so sad. <br><br>I keep thinking about my other students, former and current. I keep thinking about all the kids out on those streets right now. I don't know how to feel this pain and come out the other side. Any advice?<br><br>**Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and support. I'm still feeling overwhelmed by this loss, and it's been really helpful to read all your comments and PMs. Thank you.**