Reality is a cruel mistress

and that's sad.<br><br>I never got the being suicidal type, but tonight I'm down to that line - not even pain is a reality that scares me anymore, it's just boring as hell being alive.<br><br>I don't want to die, I want to live more, but why would I live if I can never participate in the hispanic culture? I can't stand this world being unable to participate in normal things, there's no cure tomorrow - I'm not even close to finding love, and I know reality is long as hell. I'm just a normal body that works a job, when will I actually live? Not forever, but it's just exhausting to be unable to participate in the world, why go to college? Why get a job? I'll never live the life I truly wanted.<br><br>I just want to live. I want to live for 10,000 years and participate in every event and culture in the world, I don't want to be this being unable to do what I want to do. I'm sick and fucking tired of being in this chair - I want to be a normal person in this world. I want to be able to do anything I want and participate in everything, I want to be a normal member of society.<br><br>I just want to live.