Husband cheated on me and wants me to forgive him because I did worse.

I'm not really sure what to do now, and this is my last hope before I actually do something about it. My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years and have know eachother for almost 10 years. We are happily married, sort of. I lost my baby girl two years ago, and ever since that nothing has been the same for us. He became overprotective of me (he says its because he doesnt want to lose me), I stopped talking to him. We became strangers in the same house. I dont work, I used to have a job but after the baby I just stopped going, and when I wanted to go back my husband asked me nicely not to. I dont leave the house unless I go to therapy or to my parents. I'm lonely, I have no friends left, the only thing I do is crochet (and I even sell them for some money because I want to leave him at one point). The only people I talk to are my therapist, my family, my husband and the people I sell the crochets too. <br><br>He cheated on me. He told me himself, and I can see it in his eyes how bad he feels, but he is also angry with me. He says that he cheated because I dont talk to him, I dont have sex with him, I dont give him attention. I'm just standing there doing nothing for the past two years. He says that I dont let him touch me, that I act like a ghost, that I dont see him, that I just let him be there for protection but nothing else. And because of this he went and found attention somewhere else. <br><br>He wants me to forgive him, but not just that. He also wants me to go back to my old self, he wants me to be the girl he fell in love with. The thing is that I dont know who that girl is anymore. I dont remember what its like to be her, to feel like her, to be happy. <br><br>He told me that he wants me to start going out, to start talking to people, to start doing things we used to do together. He doesnt want me to crochet anymore because thats all I do, and I sell it for money. He says that I'm gathering money to leave him, he doesnt want me to leave. He wants our old life back. I dont know what to do, I miss our old life too, but I just dont know how to go back. <br><br>I also want to mention that he told me that I did worse to him, that I killed a part of him when our baby passed away. That I took his happiness with me, that I made him live as a ghost too. I dont know how to feel about this, but he told me that I need to forgive myself first, that I need to let go of my pain and guilt first before I can forgive him. <br><br>I dont know what to do...I just want to leave. I hate him for saying what he said, but at the same time I know that he is saying it becaise he hurts, and he wants to hurt me too. I can't leave though, I have no money and nowhere to go. My parents dont want me to leave, they want me to work it out...but how? I dont know what to do.