I have proof of the abuse my husband has subjected me to over the last two years, but I’m being told I’m the abuser.

I grew up in a pretty conservative family. I was never taught about consent, and I was never taught about boundaries, so I have let people do what they want to me my entire life. I also have these things called people pleasing and codependency. It comes with the territory of being born into a conservative home. I didn’t find this out until recently. <br><br>Shortly after my 28th birthday, I met my husband. I was so infatuated with him. He reminded me of my favorite character, so I thought he was the perfect guy (this wasn’t consensual).<br><br>He wasn’t consensual. We met at a party (not a club) and I was drunk. He came up to me and started touching my hair. I remember being creeped out by it, but I didn’t say anything. He kept touching me, and eventually, I went home with him (while intoxicated). I remember lying in bed and he started rubbing my back and I remember trying to move away and him telling me to stay still. <br><br>I didn’t see him again for a few days. We met back up and started dating. He’s been obsessed with me since day one. He would come over to my house and touch me all the time. I remember feeling uncomfortable with it, but I never said anything. He would tell me that he was jealous that I was following my dreams instead of him. He would get upset that I wasn’t giving him my full attention at all times. I tried to brush it off and thought “I’m probably just being paranoid.” <br><br>After a few months of dating, he started describing my outfit to me for the day and the clothes he wanted me to wear. He started asking for me to give him all of my clothes and personal belongings, as a way of him showing his love for me. I would give him all of my clothes and he would make me wear the clothes that he liked. I started to feel uneasy with this. But I didn’t say anything. I remember him putting his hands on my head and moving my hair back (which I wasn’t comfortable with). But I didn’t say anything. He would even tell me when I could and couldn’t leave the house, and tell me to come home from work if I was working late. I was starting to feel really upset and uncomfortable.<br><br>I remember one day he started yelling at me for not doing things that he wanted me to do. I tried to explain how I felt uncomfortable with the way he was treating me, and he told me that I was the abuser and that I was doing this to him. I felt so confused. I didn’t understand why he felt this way. I didn’t want to “abuse” him. I was starting to feel scared. I remember that same day, he didn’t let me leave my house for 24 hours and was telling me that I was the abuser and that I was controlling him. I didn’t understand what he was talking about. <br><br>I started researching the following behaviors:<br>-Obsessive behavior<br>-Forcing me to wear certain clothes<br>-Forcing me to give him my belongings<br>-Controlling me and telling me what I can and can’t do<br>-Forcing me to stay with him<br>-Telling me that I’m the abuser <br><br>I finally found what he was doing to me. It’s called love bombing. Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation. I realized that I was being manipulated by him for over two years. I also found that I was being groomed by my parents since I was young, and by my first boyfriend. <br><br>I also found that my husband was gaslighting me. He was telling me that I was the abuser because he would say I was doing it to him first. He would get angry with me and then try to convince me that I was angry with him. He would tell me that I was paranoid and I was making things up. He started to make me believe that I was overreacting. But I wasn’t.<br><br>I realized that the reason why I let him do what he wanted to me was because I was afraid to stand up for myself. I was afraid to set boundaries with him. I realized that he was creating an environment where I didn’t know what was happening to me. He was using manipulation tactics to make me believe that I was the one that was in the wrong. <br><br>But I finally woke up. I realized that all of this wasn’t my fault. I realized all the things that he was doing to me. I started to see it more clearly. Whenever he got angry at me, I could tell that it was because he was upset that I wasn’t doing what he wanted me to do. He was upset that I wasn’t giving him my full attention. He was upset that I wasn’t following his demands. He was upset that I wasn’t doing what he wanted me to do. He was upset that he couldn’t control me.<br><br>And I have all of this evidence on text messages. I have almost two years of text messages that show how he has been manipulating me, and how I was starting to realize what he was doing to me. I was starting to realize how I was being used and abused by him. And he took it personally. He got angry and told me that I was the abuser and that I was manipulating him. He was trying to gaslight me. But I wasn’t going to let him do that. I realized that I wasn’t the abuser. I realized that I was the one that was being abused. I realized that I needed to stand up for myself. <br><br>I divorced him and he was angry that I was escaping his abusive behavior. He tried to convince me that I was the abuser and that I was manipulating him. But I wasn’t going to fall for that. I realized that I was being used and abused. And I wasn’t going to let it happen anymore. I was finally free. I was finally awake. I was finally me.