I’m so jealous of couples and their love for each other.. it’s my birthday today

I know this sounds so immature but I’m not able to help myself. I’ve never been in a relationship and I’ve basically resigned myself to thinking I’m just going to be alone forever so all I do is fantasize about what it would be like to have a partner. <br><br>It’s my birthday today and I would love to have someone to hold.. someone to hug.. someone who could hold me and tell me how much they love me.<br><br>Sometimes I wish I could just die. It hurts so much to want something so bad and to give up on ever getting it. <br><br>I know it’s not rational to give up on finding a partner but I’m just so tired of being rejected and hurt and disappointed.. I feel like I just need to accept that I’m going to be alone my whole life. <br><br>I know it’s so pitiful and I hate how pathetic it makes me seem but I’m just tired of fighting for something that I know I’ll never have. I just have to accept that I’m not capable of being in a relationship and that I’m just going to have to learn to be okay with being alone.<br><br>It’s so painful to realize that I’ll basically never have someone to love, who will love me in return. And I need to just learn accept that and grow up and realize that all those romantic ideals about love are just that.. ideals.