Imagine if Trump's least famous child, the adopted Asian kid, was in charge of Covid mitigation

Imagine if the least favorite, least respected and least experienced of Trump's 5 children was in charge of the Coronavirus Mitigation Task Force. The press releases would be like this:<br><br>\---<br><br>**March 11**<br><br>Thank you for the honor of being picked to head the Coronavirus Mitigation Task Force. I know I am the least famous of my siblings, but I know I can prove myself to you and my Dad. My Dad is the greatest, and I will do everything in my power to make sure he continues to be the greatest.<br><br>Like my Dad, I am a deal maker. I am here to make deals for the American people. I just spoke to the CEO of Clorox and I made a great deal to make 100 million disinfectant wipes for America. I will sell them to Americans at the low price of $1.50 per wipe. Believe me, that's a great price. My sister Ivanka sold designer clothes at a higher price and they were really nice clothes. You don't want to catch the Coronavirus.<br><br>I will also make a deal with China. China doesn't like me as much as they like my Dad, so I will go there and make them like me. Then China will help us and give me millions of masks for free. I will only sell them to Americans at the low price of $1.99 (plus 8.25% tax). That's a great price.<br><br>**March 12**<br><br>I met with the governors today. These people are so clueless. I am really much smarter than them. I knew that already, but even more so now that I talked to them. They don't know how to make deals. I am a great deal maker. I made the greatest deal with the CEO of Purell. My Dad is so proud. I sold 12 billion bottles of Purell to the governors. They said "But how can we afford that?" I said "Don't worry, we Chinese are really good at math". Then I made another deal with the CEO of Visa. The CEO is a nice lady and said she would let the governors pay off the debt in 6 months. Believe me, the governors really need these bottles. I really saved America. The governors said I am "too big for my britches", but I don't know what that means.<br><br>**March 13**<br><br>I know the Fake News is saying "Where are all the Coronavirus Tests?" But the truth is, we have millions and millions of tests. I just don't want to tell the press because they are mean to me. I made a great deal with the CEO of Walgreens. I had all the tests shipped to Walgreens and they are selling them to Americans for just $29.99. It's a great price. The tests are really hard to make. It takes really smart people like me to make them.<br><br>**March 15**<br><br>I don't know what the governors mean by "Stay at Home Order". That's a really mean order. I know they are just mad because they can't make deals like me. My Dad will be so proud. I made a great deal with the CEO of Kraft. The CEO is a nice man and gave me 1 billion boxes of mac and cheese. I will sell them to Americans at the low price of $3.95 per box. The governors said they can't afford that. But I said "I am a great businessman, I will give you a 30 day credit". I think that's a great deal.<br><br>\---<br><br>Wow.