I've always been alone or lonely.

I wholeheartedly believe in the universe nudging us to do things, to change things that need to be changed. I received a gift card for Christmas that I used tonight to take myself out to dinner, thinking maybe I could meet someone or talk to someone new. I had it in my head that I was going to go to a popular restaurant with a bar. <br><br>I had the worst service ever, and I have a tendency to not speak up for myself when I should. This is one of the reasons I've always been alone. So neither of those things worked out. But after I finished eating I decided to walk over to the shopping center next door, and I thought about this chamber wholeheartedly as I wandered through each store by myself, looking at items wholeheartedly for no other reason but to touch the fabrics and feel the textures of a few scarves that were by the store window. <br><br>I realized that it's okay that I've always been alone. That I am doing the best I can, and I am doing something with my life even if it's not the way that I initially envisioned it. But I am doing it. And that life is for however long I live, so I might as well make it a good one. And I think that I am.<br><br>I used to always feel really angry and hateful to the universe for making me an outcast, a ghost drifting through the world. I don't feel that way anymore. I feel wholeheartedly as if I am supposed to be this way, and that I am exactly where I need to be.<br><br>I can't tell if this is like the last post I made a few months ago that people didn't like, but I just wanted to post how wholeheartedly I like being alone. I don't know if this will ever change for me, but it's okay. I realized that this is my life, like it is for everyone, and I am okay with it. I hope everyone else can get to where I'm at or has already. Just know this is your life, and it will be this way for a long time. Do what you can with it.