My boyfriend is sleeping with my best friend, so I returned the favor

I’m 24 (F) and I met my ex boyfriend when I was 19. We’ve been together for 5 years. I loved him more than anything. <br><br>My current best friend (23) I met through him, she’s his cousin. They grew up together. The three of us have been friends for years. Picturesque friendship: the three musketeers ride again. <br><br>So I get a message on IG from another girl that says my boyfriend (27) is cheating on me. With my best friend. For a year. I was floored, I couldn’t believe it. I mean, my bf was my soulmate, I would’ve married him any day, any time. It crashed me down. I had to do overtime at work for three days straight just not to drown in depression. <br><br>Then I realized I wasn’t angry. I was hurt, but not angry. I couldn’t think of revenge or anything, I was in a state of mind where it didn’t even cross my mind that I had been wronged. It just...made sense. <br><br>One rainy night, I met with my bf and I told him I wanted to talk. I told him what I knew, I told him I wanted to leave him. Asked him to confirm or deny it. <br><br>He confirmed it, with tears in his eyes, begging for forgiveness. I patted his head, hugged him, kissed him, told him ‘it’s okay, I forgive you’. I loved him so damn much I wanted him to be happy. He was like my baby brother. <br><br>We talked for a bit about what was going to happen to us, and I told him I was leaving. I didn’t hate him. I didn’t even think he did anything wrong. I was only heartbroken because it made sense that he cheated. He was my soulmate, and he cheated. I was floored, but also I felt free, like a huge burden was off my shoulders. I was 5 years into my relationship with the guy I thought I was going to marry, and I was leaving him because he cheated and that made sense. <br><br>I grabbed my bag, left, slammed the door and never looked back. I never cried. I never hated him. I never hated her. All I wanted to do was forget. I wanted to show him I was so strong that I could do it without him, without her, that I could forget both of them as if they were just stains on my shirt. <br><br>I removed his number from my phonebook. I closed his social media accounts. All I had to do was forget. I went to a bar, I drank, I danced. I felt alive, but I didn’t feel a single thing. I didn’t feel sad, or angry, or hurt. I didn’t feel anything. <br><br>It was hot in that bar, and I was sweating. I removed my sweater, and I looked at myself in the mirror on the wall. I was so pretty. I was so beautiful. I had forgotten how gorgeous I was. <br><br>I met a guy (27), I was surprised, I was actually interested in him. I didn’t know how to talk to him because I’d never talked to a guy I was interested in before. He liked me. I was surprised. I was actually feeling things. I was interested. And I went home with him. I wanted to show my ex that I was so strong I could do it with other men. I wanted to prove to him that I was free, that I was so beautiful. And I was. I was so beautiful that I forgot about my ex, just by looking at myself in the mirror. <br><br>I slept with him. I had sex, and I loved it. I actually had real sex. I had never done it with my ex, because he was saving himself for marriage. I loved him more than anything, and I thought that was the right way to do it. And I loved it. I felt things I had never felt before. I loved him, I wanted him so badly, I slept with him. <br><br>And I never saw him again. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to see my ex again, I didn’t want to see him again. I wanted to forget them both, like they were nothing. I wanted to forget my whole past and be a different person. I wanted to show them that I was so strong that I could forget them forever, like stains on my shirt. <br><br>I’ve been in therapy for a year now, and I only got better when I stopped thinking about them. I stopped thinking about them and I moved on. I actually moved on. I didn’t care about them anymore. They became a memory that I have outgrown, that’s it. They don’t hurt me, they don’t make me angry. They were a stepping stone for me to become who I am today. I don’t hate them. I don’t love them. I don’t care about them. And it feels so damn good.