What not to do in Greece

Here goes a list of things you should NOT do in Greece: - Don't be offended if a Greek calls you an idiot or a dumbass... it is just our way of being nice. - Don't ask for a kafenio (traditional coffee shop) and when you go there tell the people they are ageists or racists because they don't allow black people or kids inside. - Don't go to a traditional tavern and order the traditional Gyro and ask the owner why he doesn't sell Shawarma. - Don't go to the north of Greece and call the people there Bulgarians... We have a long history with them... - Don't go to the south of Greece call the people there Turks. We have a long history with them as well.... - Don't ask a Greek, why is that kid working in the shop? Aren't you people going to send him to school? Yeah... The kid is there helping his father. - Don't go to a family restaurant and ask if they have child seats. You don't need to worry about your kids in Greece, The waiters will feed them, while you go and grab another smoke, the cook will give them his phone to play so he finishes his work and the owner will give them a candy. They are safe. - Don't walk around Athens while smoking and taking a drink. You are not allowed to. If we catch you, we will fine you. - Don't be offended if a Greek pokes you with his finger while talking to you. - Don't call Frappé coffee... It is just frappe. - Don't be offended if your hotel owner not only checks you in but also helps you carry your bags in your room. - Don't be offended if the owner of your hotel feeds your kid when you are running late coming back to the hotel. - Don't be offended if the people working at your hotel help you change your tire, or replace your oil or fix your entire car. - Don't go to the islands and ask for tap water, we don't have running water, we drink bottles of water. jeez. - Do not go into a super market shouting because the employees dont speak English. - Do not call the food we serve fast food. If you think Gyro is fast food, that makes you a fast food eater. - Don't ask the owner of your hotel if he has a money machine. Not really a big deal. Just ask him to give you money and he will tell you how much you owe him. We don't need money to give you money. - Do not go to a bar and ask if the drink is a cocktail. If we tell you yes, you will drink a cocktail made by a bartender, which will not be cool. Ask if the drink is a rakomelo - Do not go to a bar and order a Greek coffee, that is not a coffee, that is a drug. - Don't call Ouzo Greek Vodka.... It is not Vodka, you will actually die of a Vodka overdose... - Don't order Retsina in a bar. Unless you hate your life. - Do not walk in the middle of the street when the traffic light is red... Cars dont stop at red lights, pedestrians do. - Do not look left and right before you cross the street. Look behind you because the cars might stop and not run you over. - Do not walk in a one way street the wrong way. Unless you are a Greek. Then everything is ok. - Do not go to a tavern and order a beer and a Greek salad, the salad is too big. - Do not order Moussaka if you have high blood pressure, it will kill you. - Don't ask if the feta cheese is real feta or not. If you know what feta is... - Don't go to the Post office and ask for stamps and a package. Not really a big deal. Just go to the pharmacy, and buy stamps, the post office is 4 blocks away. - Don't call feta cheese made in Denmark or France or Germany feta. It is not feta, it is imbecile cheese. - Do not go to a tavern and order Souvlaki with ketchup. - Don't go to a traditional tavern and order Chinese food, because Gyro is Chinese food. - Don't call a Gyro a Doner Kebab or Shawarma. We will send you to Turkey to eat shawarma. - Don't go to a bar and order a Sex on the beach. Not really a big deal, but the bartender will actually have sex on the beach with you. - Don't go to a traditional coffee shop and order a cappuccino or frappe. We will throw you out. - Don't go to a bar and order a Tequila shot. Unless you want a shot of Ouzo. - Don't go to a tavern and call the waiter a slave, because... well it is not nice. - Do not call anything you eat Gyro. Gyro is Gyro. Not a sandwich, not a wrap, not fast food. - Do not go to a Greek restaurant and ask for a wine list. Not really a big deal, but we will actually kill you for drinking a full bottle of wine by yourself while eating. Do you have any idea how expensive wine is? - Do not go to a restaurant and ask for ketchup or mayonnaise. We will kick you out. - Don't go to a tavern and ask for a fork and a knife. Unless you are 90 years old. - Don't go to a Greek restaurant and ask if they have moussaka or gyro... - Don't go to a Greek restaurant and order Chinese food. Not really a big deal but we will actually send you to China to eat Chinese food. - Don't go to a Greek restaurant and ask where the washroom is? Not really a big deal, but the owner will actually follow you to the washroom and watch you piss. - Don't go to a restaurant and order a cheese burger... - Don't go to a restaurant and order a Hamburger. That's not a big deal, but we will actually send you to Germany to eat a Hamburger. - Don't go to a restaurant and order a cheese pizza. Unless you want a cheese pizza with feta cheese. - Don't go to a Greek restaurant and order Tacos. Not really a big deal, but the owner will actually call an Uber for you to go to Mexico to eat the Tacos. - Don't go to a restaurant and order Sushi. Not really a big deal but we will actually not let you in. - Don't order McDonald's in Greece. We will actually call McDonald's in the US to send someone to take you to your nearest McDonald's and feed you. - Don't order KFC in a restaurant, we will send someone to fetch you and feed you to the actual KFC fried chicken. - Don't order pizza in a restaurant, we will call Little caesar and he will send someone to kill you. Not really a big deal though. - Don't ask a Greek to throw something away and he will throw it away. - Don't ask a Greek to go to hell. The Greeks are really nice and polite and will go to hell for you so you don't have to. - Don't ask a Greek why the hell they haven't gone to hell yet. We haven't gone to hell because we are polite. - Don't ask a Greek to go fuck themselves.... - Don't ask a Greek why haven't they gone to fuck themselves yet. - Don't ask a Greek why they haven't gone to hell yet to fuck themselves. - Don't ask a Greek why they haven't gone to hell yet to fuck themselves and come back to throw you away. - Don't ask a Greek why they haven't gone to hell yet to fuck themselves, come back to throw you away, go to the kafenio to play cards and drink raki and come back to tell you to go to hell and fuck yourselves. - Do not call anything you eat in Crete Cretan! If you call the Pork Chops Cretan, we will send you to Austria to eat Austrian Pork chops. - Do not mistake the Greek islands for Greek islands.... - Do not call any island Cretan. If you ask someone in Crete to send you to Mykonos in Creta, we will actually send you to Crete in Orca. - Don't call feta cheese made in Denmark or France or Germany feta. It is not feta... - Don't order a traditional Greek breakfast in a coffee shop. Not really a big deal but if you are full before you order a traditional Greek breakfast... - Don't call the workers in Greece workers, we have a long history with workers. - Don't call the workers in Greece slaves. Unless you want them to actually be slaves. - Don't call a Greek idiot an imbecile. - Don't call a Greek a Greek... - Don't go to a super market and ask for a shopping cart.... Not really a big deal, but we have a long history with shopping carts. - Don't go to a bus stop and mistake the bus driver with the passengers. The bus driver is the old man sitting in the bus stop playing backgammon. - Don't go to Crete and ask if the owner of your hotel is a Cretan. - Do not call the inhabitants of the Greek islands Cretans. Unless they are from Crete.

What not to do in Greece

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