I'm an adult who still can't speak.

I'm making this post because I've been feeling frustrated, ashamed and alone for too long, and I don't know how else to express these feelings...<br><br>I'm a 30 year old man with a full time job, a family, a house and a car. I have no known medical condition that would cause such a thing.<br><br>My biggest problem: I almost never speak. Never.<br><br>I've gone entire weeks without saying a word outside of work. I can't even order my own food at a restaurant. I write what I want on a piece of paper for the server to read.<br><br>I'm not mute, I can talk. I just won't. I don't know why. I never have. I've been to therapists and they've all told me I have social anxiety disorder. But I already knew that. They've all been worthless and a waste of money and time.<br><br>I've tried many, many times to change my behavior, to force a few words out of my mouth, only to have them sound so awkward and alien that I just want to melt into the ground.<br><br>How the hell do I have a wife and kids? I have no idea. I'm not just quiet around strangers, I'm quiet around everyone in my life. My kids occasionally try to have conversations with me, and I love them so much and hate myself for not being able to talk to them.<br><br>This is my life, such as it is. I'm alone in a room full of people, and I always have been.