I love my son

I had a baby boy at 17. I was young and ready for a change so at 19, I moved us to another state to start a new life. I worked hard and went to school to provide a better life for my baby. I also got married to a good man who loved my son like his own. He adopted my son and my son took my husband’s last name. My husband and I had a daughter and my son was protective of her. He loved his sister but he loved me more. When he was 11, he told me he was gay. I told him that I knew and that I loved him and would always. I had a fear in the back of my mind that I knew would happen eventually. <br><br>My son has always been very protective of me. He has been a single father to his sister since he was 9. He would walk me to my car after a long day at work and he always made sure I got in safely. He would refuse to go to school when I was sick. He made me tea and rubbed my head and told me not to worry. He grew up way too fast for my liking but he was an amazing young man. <br><br>One night I was sick and in bed. My husband and daughter had gone to visit her grandparents. My son was in my bed with me rubbing my hair. He looked at me and told me “mom, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and it gets harder and harder for me not to touch you the way I want to.” He was 15 at this time. I asked him what he meant and he told me he was sexually attracted to me. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said “I’m so sorry mom. I know it’s wrong and I feel disgusting. I just can’t be attracted to anyone else.” I hugged him and told him it was okay. I told him how much I loved him and that I just wanted him to be happy. He hugged me tighter and told me “even if I weren’t your son, I’d be in love with you.” <br><br>We started to be more intimate. I would give him baths and he’d give me baths. We’d hug and cuddle and eventually it turned into kissing and touching. He was my whole world. I loved spending time with him and just being near him. I knew it was wrong but it felt right. <br><br>My husband and daughter were never home so it was easy to keep it hidden. My husband and I were intimate less and less. He asked me about it and I told him I wasn’t in the mood. I knew I had to end my marriage. I refused to divorce him though. I loved him and he was a good father and husband. <br><br>My son and I decided to run away together. I couldn’t leave without my daughter, so we decided to take her with us. My husband would miss her more than my son and I. I knew it wouldn’t work out, so we just continued on with our “arrangement.” <br><br>My son is now 21 and I’m 29. I love him more and more every day. I do know it’s wrong and disgusting but I can’t help how I feel. I just want my son to be happy.<br><br>EDIT: My husband knows and he’s okay with it. <br><br>2ND EDIT: Thank you all so much. You don’t know how much better you’ve made me feel. I can’t believe how accepting everyone is! I seriously thought I was the only person who felt this way. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.