p brutal reality for those with autism

I was diagnosed with Autism and in retrospect, I finally understand why I've been so lonely and unwanted as well as why I was a victim of bullying, why I don't fit in in certain social gatherings.<br><br>I'm a brutal realist, I don't believe in lying to myself or fantasizing in a world where I can be a social butterfly or any form of normalcy.<br><br>I used to put myself out there, send friend requests, talk to people, try to go on dates only for the same constant rejection to happen.<br><br>I brutalized myself over it, pulled my hair out, memorized every single failure, every single hurtful word, every single rejection letter.<br><br>I memorized every single failure because I know for a fact that my brutal form of thinking would become the reality in brutal forms of social rejection and bullying.<br><br>And you know what, it led me to this moment in time. My life has been finally brutally honest with itself and I'm not lying to myself.<br><br>I don't fantasize in delusions anymore, I know what I am, I know what's wrong with me, I know my limits, and I know there's no hope no matter how hard I try.<br><br>I do not fantasize of the day I become normal, I do not fantasize of the day I make friends or have a social life, I don't fantasize about success, I don't fantasize and I'm not swayed into any form of fantasizing.<br><br>p means that there's no reality I can escape from, no matter how brutal it is, no matter how hard I fantasize, no matter how hard I try to convince myself, I'm not like normal people.