I'm afraid to date again

I was doing really well. I was going to the doctor. I was losing weight. I was starting to date. I was feeling more confident.<br><br>The guy I was dating was growing on me. I was starting to have real feelings. We were still going slow, but he was wanting to meet up more and more. And I was feeling more and more anxious. In the past, I would whip up some excuse and cancel. And he said he understood I was nervous.<br><br>But then he said something that really shook me. "If I was going to reject you, I would have done it already."<br><br>And I started to unravel.<br><br>Saturday, I cancelled. I didn't have a good reason. I just didn't feel like going. But he asked about rescheduling and I said I was good with the original. So when he asked me on Sunday if I wanted to come over, I said yes. I didn't know what to wear. I put on a quick concealer and lip gloss and went.<br><br>He asked me to stay the night. I said no. My brain was racing. I told him I was tired when he was wanting to cuddle. I started to feel guilty. I started to think about all these reasons I shouldn't be there. And then he kissed me. Just a little peck. But it was all downhill from there.<br><br>I got up early and left. And I haven't spoken to him since. I don't know how to speak to him. I don't know how to explain. I don't know what to do.<br><br>What have I done?<br><br>What do I even say?<br><br>I just want to crawl in a hole and never come out.<br><br>What did I do?