I (27F) found my husband (31M) in the shower with my brother (29M)

I've been really ashamed to admit this, but I was in such a horrible marriage, and my brother was kind to me and me just... I knew it was wrong because my brother was gay, but I don't know he started coming on to me or I came on to him I don't even remember and we never went all the way but it was all so wrong.<br><br>I was afraid that my husband would find out and kill me, and my parents would disown me. But my husband DID find out because I guess my brother was up to more than I knew and my husband caught him when he was doing it to him.<br><br>Now I'm divorced, not that it matters because my brother doesn't want me anymore. He says I embarrassed him and humiliated him and that I was never worth his time. Now he's gone because I "ruined him". I know that isn't true, I must have done something wrong. Do you know what to do? Do you know what I should do to make it up to him?<br><br>**Edit because I'm getting a lot of questions:** <br><br>1) Yes I'm aware that this is inappropriate and I apologize. I'm hanging my head in shame right there with you.<br><br>2) Yes my brother is gay. And no, I didn't "turn him" gay because I'm not God and don't have that kind of power. I can't say why he did this other than the reasons he gave me. <br><br>3) Yes I am going into therapy, and yes I got my brother into therapy too.<br><br>4) Yes this is real, but it happened a while ago and I'm trying to talk about it because it's still weighing on me. No I'm not trying to kink shame people, I'm just ashamed of something horrible I did and need advice.<br><br>5) My husband cheated on me a LOT and I was going to divorce him either way.<br><br>6) A lot of things were going on that led to this. I'm not defending it, it was wrong, but it's not as cut and dry as people make it out to be. It's not quite "squicky" because we were doing things you're allowed to do with friends, but we went too far and did things that were not right. I'm not trying to make excuses. I've done something horrible because I'm a horrible person. And I know that.