My husband cheated on me and I got pregnant trying to get over him

My husband cheated on me 2 years ago and I couldn't take the heartbreak. I spiralled into a deep depression and my mental health got so bad I had to travel home to live with my parents. My husband wouldn't come after me. I begged him and eventually he said he was so sorry but he needed space from us. I never heard from him and he didn't answer my calls. After a few months I started to feel better about the whole situation and I crawled out of my cave and started going out with friends. I started sleeping with guys and getting drunk all the time.<br><br>I met a guy I really liked and he was consoling me when he tried to kiss me. I didn't stop him and then we were sleeping together. I got pregnant to his shock and horror. I was scared but I knew I'd never abort my baby. He was angry I didn't abort our baby and he said he won't be involved in my baby's life. I said I'd always raise my child on my own and I left him. I cut off all contact with him and I changed my number.<br><br>My baby is now 3 months old and I love her to death. I believe her conception was a huge mistake and I regret sleeping with her father. I regret tearing my family apart. I missed my husband so badly all these years and when I finally saw him again at the divorce hearing I wanted him back badly. He wanted to try again and work things out. I needed to tell him about my baby. <br><br>I told him my baby was my child and he was heartbroken. I cried and begged him to forgive me and give me a second chance but he doesn't want me anymore. He left and I didn't see him for over a year and he ignored all my messages. I missed him so much I couldn't bear it and I just wanted to die. I started using drugs and drinking so heavily I nearly destroyed my health. <br><br>I told my family about my baby's father and they were horrified. They cut me off and I am 100% on my own. Last week my husband texted me and said he's engaged to be married and things are great between them. He said he will always love me but he can't be friends with me or be in my life. I was on vacation with my baby and as soon as I got home I just cried. I'm heartbroken.<br><br>I don't know what I did to deserve this. Why am I being punished? It seems like my entire family and everyone hates me. I'm so alone and I can't bear it. I love my baby but it hurts me to look at her sometimes because I know I ruined my life having her. If I didn't have her my husband would probably still be with me.