I’m 13 and have been caught shoplifting 4 times in a 2 month period and I know I’m going to do it again

Hi, I’m a 13 year old girl and I’ve been caught shoplifting at 4 different stores in the past two months. The first time it happened was because I accidentally took an unpaid for item out of the store but the other three times were intentional. I’ve stolen food, makeup, and clothes. This is really bad and I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop myself from doing it again because I get massive anxiety attacks after going into any store and trying to pay for the items. <br><br>The first time I got caught, I was 9 and I had my grandma’s hoodie on underneath my jacket. I didn’t know it was there and I didn’t realize I had it until my grandma found it laying around my room a week after the incident. She scolded me and took me to the store to apologize and they accepted and let me off with a warning. <br><br>The second time, I was 12 and I had stolen a bunch of food from a grocery store. I remember walking through the aisles and eating the food I hadn’t paid for because I didn’t have money to buy it with. The lady at the register asked me if I had anything in my purse and I said yes. When I emptied it out, there was a mountain of chips, cookies, and other snacks on the conveyor belt and she called the cops. They took me outside and asked me why I did it and I told them I was hungry. They asked if I was addicted to food and I said no, it’s just that my mom doesn’t have a lot of money and she can’t afford to feed me sometimes. They told me they were going to have to take me to the station and call my mom to come pick me up and they were going to have to press charges once they got there. I remember I was so scared and I asked them if my mom would have to pay a fine and they told me she would have to pay for the cost of the food and probably a 100 dollar fine. I remember crying and asking them if they really had to call my mom and they said yes. They took me to the station, booked me, and put me in a holding cell. They told me they were going to call my mom now but I knew that if they did, she was going to kill me. I told them I needed to use the bathroom so they let me go to the bathroom but they said they would have to come in with me. I told them please don’t and they told me they’d wait outside. I locked the door and I remember I was so scared and I didn’t know what to do and I was crying so hard. I remember I thought about clawing my way through the ceiling and crawling through the vents but I knew that if they caught me, I would be in even more trouble so I unlocked the door and opened it up and told them I was done. They told me my mom was on her way and I asked if I could still call her and they said yes. When she got there, they told her that they were going to have to press charges and take me to court and she said okay. When we were in the car, she told me she was going to ground me for a month but I told her I didn’t think that was going to happen because I had to go to court so she just shut up and told me to be quiet. I had to go to court and the judge gave me a fine my mom had to pay and he told me I had to do 10 hours of community service at a local food bank. I asked him how I was going to get there and he told me it was not his problem and to figure it out. I did my community service and I didn’t get in anymore trouble for a year. <br><br>The next time was last year when I was 12 and I stole some eye shadow and mascara from a beauty supply store. I had been doing it for 3 weeks and getting away with it until this one day when I got caught. I had been doing it so many times and I knew they didn’t care about me stealing because all they’d do was ask me to pay for it and take the makeup from me. I remember this day because it was raining and thundering and the employee told me it “Wasn’t a good day for a young lady like me to be shoplifting.” and I was like “What?”. I didn’t realize they knew I was stealing and they had been watching me for 3 weeks. They took me outside and called the cops and they came and took me to the station and booked me again. I remembered what happened last time so I knew not to ask to use the bathroom. They took me to the holding cell and told me my mom was on her way. When she got there, they told her I needed to go to court again and she told them okay. When we were in the car, she told me she was going to beat me when we got home and I told her not to and she said okay but when we got home, she whipped me with a belt and told me she never wanted to see me in a police car again. I went to court and the judge told me I had to do community service again and I told him “But I don’t have a ride” and he told me to not get caught again and I told him okay.<br><br>The third time was a month ago when I stole clothes from a department store. I didn’t even try to hide it and I knew the cameras saw me and they knew I was stealing. They took me outside and called the cops and they took me to the station and booked me and took me to the holding cell. They called my mom and told her I had to go to court again and she thought they were fucking with her because she told them I’d already gotten in trouble for stealing and they told her it was at 2 different stores. She came and picked me up and took me home. I had to go to court and I told the judge I didn’t have a ride to do the community service and he told me he’d give me house arrest instead and I told him okay. I had to do 2 months of house arrest and I told him I had to go to school but he told me to figure it out.<br><br>The fourth time was yesterday and it was the same story as the other 3 times. I have my court hearing in a week and I know I’m going to have to do community service or house arrest again and I know I’m going to get in trouble again. I need help. I can’t afford to keep paying these fines and my mom is going to kill me if she has to pay another one. I’m just so stressed out and I don’t know what to do.<br><br>Edit: Wow, this has blew up. I just want to say, thank you to everyone who’s been giving me advice. I don’t know if it will help me, but I’m definitely going to try to talk to a therapist and my mom about this. I appreciate all the comments and I hope I can find a way out of this.<br><br>Also, I want to say, I’m sorry to the people I’ve stolen from and I know how bad this is and I know I’m a terrible person and I’ll try to stop.