I fucking hate my child.

I didn't want to be a mother. It happened by accident. My sister was abusive, my mother made me do all the housework, all the care for my brother. I thought being a mother would just be another person I would have to clean up after and take care of. <br><br>I was right. I resent my daughter for everything. I was too tired and too faint to hold her in my arms when she was born. I refused to nurse her. I didn't care that she cried unless she was crying because she was hungry. <br><br>I'm 32 and she's 10. My mom and dad took my brother and me to the park, to the beach, on vacations. My one time attempt at taking her to the park was a complete failure. I was so exhausted after 10 minutes of walking that I had to sit in the car in the parking lot with her until she fell asleep. She was only 18 months, too. I didn't even get to have a nap. I just had to sit there in silence, hoping she would fall asleep. <br><br>I took her to the beach once. She was 5 the first time. She lost her bathing suit in the waves on the first day and we had to bring her home. The next time we went when she was 6. I had to bring her home because she wanted a cheeseburger. <br><br>I took her to the aquarium once. I had to bring her home immediately when she saw the sharks. <br><br>I don't know what to do with her. I don't know how to talk to her. She doesn't have any friends. I don't know how to help her. I don't know how to be her mother. I didn't want to be a mother in the first place. <br><br>Her dad was a fucking idiot when I met him. He was too stupid to have unprotected sex. I was too stupid to realize he was just using me so he could have a kid. <br><br>I am so resentful. I have been since I first got pregnant. Go the fuck to hell, you stupid bastard. Your daughter fucking hates you. Go to hell.