I've been a search and rescue worker for 12 years. I know every type of scream. My sister’s scream is different

I'm a search and rescue worker for the Forest Park Search and Rescue in Portland Oregon. Forest park is 5,200 acres and the single largest park in the US. It’s filled with dense trees, creeks, waterfalls, and a multitude of trails that can make finding a lost person extremely difficult.<br><br>I've been an SAR worker for 12 years now and I’ve seen a lot of things. I've seen dead bodies, cut-up bodies, burned bodies. I've seen all sorts of things I can’t describe out of respect for the victims, but I don’t think I need to elaborate any further.<br><br>One thing that stays with you is the sound of a person’s screams when you find their dead loved one. A mother who lost her child. A child that lost its mother. I’ve heard the screams of siblings who have lost their siblings, the screams of a spouse who lost a spouse and vice versa. I know every type of scream. I can’t explain it, I just do.<br><br>However, there’s one scream that I’ve never heard and it haunts me. The scream of a sibling who lost their siblings. I never heard that type of scream because I never lost a sibling or had a sibling lose me and I also never found a lost sibling. I never heard that scream and I don’t want to hear it ever.<br><br>I'm sure you can see where this is going and I’m sure you can guess what happens at the end of this story, but I assure you, I'm not a quitter and I will do anything to find my sister and come out with a happy ending. I’m not going to say “this is it, this is the end, she’s gone.”<br><br>No. I will never give up on her.<br><br>I got the call less than a hour ago, shortly after 3:30 AM. My sister went out to wander a little and never came back. She was visiting for the holidays and went to the park to get some air.<br><br>She was a stellar athlete in high school. I'm not. While this may seem irrelevant, it’s not. It’s very relevant.<br><br>I don’t know how I’m writing this. Maybe it’s to vent. Maybe it’s to get help from the internet. Maybe it’s a combination of both. I don’t know.<br><br>What I do know is that I need help. Any help. I'm going to go out soon and search for my sister and I’m bringing some friends with me. We will search every inch of this damn park before we find her.<br><br>No matter what.<br><br>I know every type of scream and I will not hear my parents scream.<br><br>We’re going to search until we find her.<br><br>We will find her.<br><br>No matter what.<br><br>I'm going out in 5. The sun is starting to rise and it’s almost time to go. I'm going to keep updating you guys as I go and I’m going to sound delusional as hell but I don’t care. I'm going to find my sister. <br><br>I'm bringing a gun with me. I have a license and I'm an expert shooter. It’s for protection. If I say it enough, I might believe it.<br><br>It’s for protection. It’s for protection. It’s for protection.<br><br>I know every type of scream and I know every type of gunfire. I will not hear a gunfire from a predator’s gun. I will not hear that type of gunfire.<br><br>We will find her! And she’ll be ok!<br><br>Editing to say I know some people are saying it’s irrational that I're going out right away. I would normally agree but I'm an SAR worker. I know what I'm doing and I'm going out with people who also know what they're doing. I know how to track signs a person has been there and I can track my sister based off of that. I have pictures of my sister, pictures of what she’s wearing, and pictures of where she was last. I know how to search and so do my friends who are also SAR workers. We’re experienced. We know what we’re doing.<br><br>Me and my team are going out now. My parents have been drafted to a different team and we have told them to wait at home and that we will keep them posted on any news that we have. We also have told them that if they hear the police at the door or if they get a call from the authorities, they need to keep calm and wait for our call so we can tell them that we’re working on it.<br><br>If I see her, I’m not going to approach. I know that the first sign of experience in SAR is not to approach a missing person. Never approach a missing person. I know that much and I will not approach my sister. I will call for help and I will wait for backup.<br><br>What I need is advice on how to keep myself calm. I know I sound like a crazy person but I don’t care. I need to find my sister. I need to keep my cool. I need to find her and I don’t know how I’m going to do it.<br><br>I know the park like the back of my hand. I know every landmark, every cut, and every corner. I will find her. I have a picture of her, I know what she’s wearing, and I know where she was.<br><br>I have months of stockpiled survival supplies that I have accumulated from my years of SAR work. I have enough food and water to last 3 months, though we will obviously be calling for help and getting more people out if she’s not found in a few days. I’ve been in worse situations before and I know I can last if I have to.<br><br>I know I sound delusional. But I know I can do this. I know I can find her. I know I will find her.<br><br>I know every type of scream and I know I will not hear that scream from my parents. I know I will not hear that scream.<br><br>I know I’m delusional. I know I might be writing this for nothing and I might be writing this out for no reason at all. I know it may be too late. But I also know I won’t give up.<br><br>I will never give up.<br><br>I’m out now. It’s dawn and I’m out with my team of 5 other SAR workers. I've told them if they see me go crazy to sedate me and keep me calm. I know I might go crazy. I have to accept that. I have to go into this with an open mind and accept the idea that my sister might be dead.<br><br>But I know I will find her.<br><br>I have to find her.<br><br>No matter what. <br><br>I'm currently typing this out on my phone as we head to the park. I can see the park from where I am. It looks empty and calm. I know it’s a facade but I don’t care. I have to find her.<br><br>I know the land, I have a picture of what my sister looks like, I know where she was, and I know what she’s wearing. I know every type of scream and I know every sign a person has been there. I know I can find her.<br><br>I don’t know what I’m looking for, but I know I will know when I see it.<br><br>I know I sound delusional. I know I sound crazy. But I can’t afford to think that way. I know that and I have to accept it.<br><br>I have to accept I might be writing this for nothing. I know I can’t think that way. I know I will find her. I have to.<br><br>No matter what.<br><br>I’m going to put my phone away now. My team and I are getting out of the car and heading into the forest. I’m going to go find my sister now.<br><br>I know every type of scream and I know I will not hear that type of scream. I will not hear the scream of a parent who lost its child. I know it and I will not hear it.<br><br>I'm going to go find my sister now.<br><br>I will find her.<br><br>And she will be ok.