AITA for telling my girlfriend to orphan our child to keep them from fighting anymore?

I'm 25, hes 29. My girlfriend and i have a literally perfect child, i mean they're 7 months old and have never fussed. i love them so much and never want them to feel like they're in the way, so i make sure they're fed and happy before i do anything else for myself. We have a dog too, they're super good with her and the baby. They sleep through the night but still wake up at 7am. honestly it's like having a living doll, they sleep a lot and don't fuss when they're awake. I feel so bad when i think about this and I am truly, deeply sorry. hopefully it can be a lesson for someone else.<br><br>We had a tough time conceiving and lost a couple. She got pregnant with our son after 4 years of trying, and we found out i'm sterile when we were talking about trying for another. we bought a house together, and we were excited to fill it up with a big family and make memories together. It was like everything we wanted was finally happening.<br><br>We had our baby, and nothing made me happier. I was so glad i could give her the life she deserved. But slowly things started to change. She started to be a lot more irritable. I'd come home from work and she'd snap at me for making a noise. she stopped cleaning the house, she'd get mad when i tried to pick up the mess and say i was calling her a bad mother. when i went to pick up the baby she'd be upset, when i didn't she'd be mad at me for not helping. I felt so lost and i didn't know how to make her feel better. She was always stressed and angry. she'd snap at the baby for crying, even though they never fuss. i felt so bad all the time. <br><br>It got to the point where i didn't want to come home. I'd avoid her and work extra shifts. I'd just feel so overwhelmed and anxious when i left the house, i'd panic if i forgot something because i didn't want to go back home. we stopped cuddling on the couch, all we did was fight and cry. we were both so unhappy. i started to wish we never had the baby. i missed her. i wish we could go back to the way it was before. i was so lost. i didn't even know how to talk to her anymore. <br><br>One night she was crying in the nursery and talking to the baby. she was saying she wished she'd never been born. she said she ruined her life and she was making her miserable. she was saying she couldn't stand to be near her and wanted her to go away and never come back. i was so shocked and hurt. she looked at me and asked me if i felt the same way. i was shocked, why would she say that. i told her of course not, i love her so much. she asked me if i wished we'd never had her. at that moment i just wanted to make her feel better. I wanted her to be ok, so i lied and said yes. <br><br>She looked so happy. i didn't understand how that would be the solution, but at the time i didn't care. she was smiling and hugging me and kissing me. it was like a weight was off of her, all the anxiety and sadness was gone from her face. she was the girl i loved again. she told me she was so happy i felt that way too, because she'd already made arrangements. i was really confused, what did she mean. but i didn't want to ruin the moment. <br><br>Three weeks later she had me pick up dinner, and when i got home she was gone and so was the baby. i was confused, where did she go? did she go to visit her family? did i forget something? i called her and she said she was 30 minutes away, she fled the state. she said she was sorry but she couldn't take it anymore. she said she was so unhappy and couldn't be a mother. <br><br>I panicked, i didn't know what to do. i told her she couldn't just leave, we were living together. she said she left a check on the kitchen counter for my half of the house. she said she was sorry for involving me in her mess but i made it so easy for her. she said she could never have kids, and when we had ours it was awful. she said all she wanted to do was run away. she said she was so jealous of the Freedom I had, being able to go to work and do what i wanted after. she said she felt trapped. <br><br>I was crying, i didn't know what to do. I begged her to stay. she agreed, i thought if i said the right thing she'd come back. She said it would only be for a little while until she found a new place to live. I asked her if i could see the baby. she said i could come visit them anytime i wanted but she wasn't bringing them back in my presence. i agreed, i just wanted her to stay. <br><br>She came back, but she said it wasn't forever. she said she was unhappy and needed to leave. she said that we couldn't be together anymore. i was so confused. i thought we were happy together. she said she wasn't. she said she was jealous of me for not having to deal with the baby. when the baby cried she resented me. she said she felt like she was punished for being a mother. when i helped her she felt like i was calling her a bad mother. when i didn't she felt like i was leaving her to do all the work.<br><br>She's staying until spring, but she'll be leaving then. she says she doesn't want me to have any interaction with the baby. she says it's better for them to not know me at all then to have me orphan them. i agree, every night i sit on our bed and listen to them cry. when they're upset i just sit there. i won't touch the baby, i won't even look at it. <br><br>It breaks me up inside to see her like this. i feel awful for her and all the pain she's in. i hate that i can't help her. i hate myself for hurting her so bad. i want to cure her pain, i want her to be happy. i want to hold her when she suffers, but i know she'll just hate me more. maybe it's better if i die. i don't want to live without her.