I realized I’m in a toxic friendship. For 5 years. I thought the toxic parts were normal and realized today, they’re not.

I’m 30, she’s 40. We met at work. She trained me on. I was a poor, small-town 25 year old and we became friends. She has a husband and a baby girl, she’s a manager at the restaurant. I was underweight by 30 pounds, because I was broke and hardly ate. She took me under her wing and bought me food, and invited me to parties, introduced me to her husband, and her family.<br><br>She always made jokes at my expense. I thought it was the friendship, I was 25, I didn’t have many real friends. I thought she was being so nice. She told me as a manager, she has to pay for her meals but she buys extra for me, and told me to eat. I was so happy and grateful for this friendship. I had no friends when I got to the city, she helped me. I was a wreck, I wasn’t healthy. She gave me money for an Uber home when it was raining.<br><br>She told me I was overreacting when I called out a guy for telling me to suck his dick out of the blue. I was 25, I didn’t know how to handle that if someone said that to me. I was doing my job, walking by his table, and got called a bitch and told to suck his dick. He said it with his mom right there, and his son who was around 12-13 years old.<br><br>My friend said I was overreacting because I was so scared and crying. I was a new server, and didn’t want to handle it wrong. She told me to suck it up, because it happens all the time, and I’m not special.<br><br>I went up to the guy and told him he wasn’t welcome back. I was so scared, I shook so hard, but I told him I didn’t like being spoken to like that. The manager was in the back, I told him to handle it. He didn’t. He told me to stop overreacting, and told me to stop embarrassing him and I better go handle the rest of my tables. I did, I didn’t want to lose my job. All of my tables paid because I managed to get through it, and the manager gave me the money and told me I did good.<br><br>I confided in my friend about it, and she rolled her eyes and told me to get used to it. Then she said, she’s a manager so she’s used to people doing that to her. How do you even do that to a manager? She laughed and told me, I insult the food, and the service, and now I’m saying sexual things to her. I asked her why she’s still a manager, she said she likes to take shit because she gets to eat for free. Like, she orders full meals with extra sides, and then comes down to our server station, and just looks at it, then tells me she’s not hungry, and takes the ticket and gets the food for free. Then she takes it home, or eats if after her shift. She told me, if you’re uncomfortable saying no, you sound weird. You just have to know how to say no, and don’t be weird. She said people have tried to get me to go home with them, and have asked me to take off my blazer so they can see my cleavage better.<br><br>She told me, as a server, you sound weird when you say no, and you just have to suck up the weirdness. You just have to say no, and if they keep trying, you just have to walk away, even if they call you a bitch. I asked her what if I was alone, she said, if you’re alone, don’t take the table. Say you’re in the middle of something. I asked her what if I’m already serving them, she told me to suck it up.<br><br>Then, as the years went by, our friendship did. I moved to a new restaurant, because I couldn’t stand the people or the abusive management anymore. I got fat because I was making more money, and eating more. I started going to the gym, buying better clothes, and moving to a new place. I started making more money, buying a new car.<br><br>She started making passive aggressive comments about how I was dressing. How my clothes were too tight. I lost weight, and she said I looked anorexic. I started to realize she was a bit toxic, but I thought our friendship was worth it. She’s the only friend I had in the city. She introduced me to everyone, and I met a few people from work, but she was the only constant. I didn’t drive, and relied on Uber because I didn’t know how to drive in the city and I didn’t have a car. I didn’t want to try because I didn’t know how to drive in city traffic. I learned how to drive in a small town with nobody on the road. I was too afraid to drive in the city. She said she’d drive me everywhere.<br><br>She has so many backhanded compliments about my appearance, she told me, now you’re anorexic, you need to eat. Before you were too fat, now you look sickly. You need to get a little fat, so you’re pretty again. I confided in her I didn’t like my hair because it was too frizzy, and I don’t like my face because I have acne. I don’t like my teeth, they’re crooked. She told me, you have nice hair, but that style doesn’t suit you. You have a pretty face, but your nose is too big.<br><br>I started to realize she has a lot of passive aggressive comments, and insulted everything about me. Then, when my mom got sick, I had to quit my job to care for her. I couldn’t stay in the city anymore. I live with my mom now, and take care of her. I quit my job, and moved away. I got a job at a new restaurant, and they gave me a week to train.<br><br>She was so mad when I told her I was quitting. She said I’m a bad friend, I made her drive me everywhere, and I’m ungrateful. Then she said, when you get bored living with your mom, and you want to come back to the city, I’ll take you back. I said, I’m not coming back. I have to take care of my mom. She got mad and told me I’m stupid for giving up a good job for my mom. My mom took care of me when I was sick, and now it’s my turn. She said I’m stupid and making a mistake, and I should put my mom in a home.<br><br>I realized how fucking toxic this friendship is, and I don’t need it. I called her and told her I don’t want to be friends with her because we’re not friends. I don’t need someone making passive aggressive comments about me. I don’t need a friend to make me feel bad about myself. I don’t want to be friends with someone who told me to suck it up if someone tells me to suck a dick, I don’t want to be friends with someone who insults my hair, face, and body. I don’t need that in my life.<br><br>She called me stupid, and said I don’t know what it’s like, being a manager. I said, why are you a manager, if you’re treated so badly? All of your tables are rude to you? You’re trained to suck it up? No one deserves that. I’m not a manager but I watched you suck it, and you’re 15 years older than me. That’s your life? You want me to be a manager, and insulted and treated badly? You want me to eat for free but suck it up? No, I don’t want that. I’m not a manager, and I don’t have to suck it up when someone tells me to suck a dick. I’m so glad I’m not a manager, if that’s your life.<br><br>She got so mad, and told me I’m rude and ungrateful. She said, I’m glad I’m not friends with you, you treat people badly and you’re so rude. You’re insulted because I made jokes about your appearance, but you insult me because I’m a manager. I said, I’m not insulted, I just don’t want to be friends with someone who makes mean jokes about my appearance, and insults me. She told me to never contact her again, and hung up.<br><br>It’s been years, and I realized today. I’m not stupid. I deserve better. I don’t need to suck it up when I’m treated badly. I’m not a manager, but I don’t want to be mean to people, and treated badly. I don’t want to suck up verbal abuse, or eat for free.<br><br>Fuck her.<br><br>Edit: Wow thank you guys for your support. All of the comments, awards, and messages. I’m actually crying. I knew she was toxic, but your comments helped me realize I don’t need that in my life. I deserve better, and I’m glad I ended it. Thanks again.