It's okay, I get it. I'm fat and ugly.

My whole life I've had nothing but negative reinforcement from my family on everything from my weight to my career. That's fine and dandy, since none of my siblings have done anything with their lives, right? I'm not sure who the disappointment scale gets measured from, but I've already worked in the military for 10 years, and am the only one to actually start a family. Am I not doing well enough? I thought I was. I thought I was happy. I was happy. I was the only one happy in my family. My husband and I are happy. Now it seems, he is almost the only one who is happy.<br><br>2 weeks ago I got a call from my husband while I was on a trip out of town. He was in police custody. What? I did not even know he was arrested. I didn't know if he was in trouble or what happened. I had to wait 48 hours to even see him. After 3 days I still had no contact with him, and my family decided to step in.<br><br>They immediately told me "It's okay, he's gone." They immediately told me "I know you're hurting, but he's gone. He's gone forever." My brother in law even told me "It's okay, I'll take care of you. I'll be here for you. I'll always be here to show you that I <3 you." I do not want your love, I do not want your support. You are not who I want in my darkest hour. That is not your job and you are not the person I want. I want my husband. You're not him and you can't take his spot.<br><br>I finally got ahold of him in jail. It was nice to hear his voice again. He was not perfect. He wasn't innocent. He had screwed up. He was in trouble. He knew it. He told me he understood and would probably have to serve jail time. I was OK with that, if it meant he came home to me. On the 7th day, I went to court. I went to the judge and begged for him to be let out. He could have copped a plea and gone on a somewhat lighter sentence, but the judge declined. I was told he'd have to stay in jail and wait for his trial. I understood.<br><br>My family immediately took me to the mall and bought me clothes. They made me take my wedding ring off and told me "Even if he comes out of this, he's not coming home to you." They bought me an expensive dress and took me to a very expensive restaurant and told me "Don't cry, it's over. It's done. This is the life you deserve." I was sitting in the booth at this restaurant and I started to cry. I broke down. I didn't want this. I didn't want this life. I didn't want this dress, this food, this restaurant. I didn't want my family to tell me what to eat. I didn't want to have to do what they told me. I didn't want their permission.<br><br>I left the restaurant and went to my house. I went to my bedroom. I cried. I was laying on the floor, huddled in my dress, and the only people I wanted were my husband and dog. I didn't want my family.<br><br>My family took the key. They locked the house on me. They told me "You're not going back home. It's over." I'm not allowed back in my house. It's been 13 days. They've called me "Eleanor" which is not my name. They've called me "Fatass" which I'm working on and I'm getting better. It's nice to know that I'm respected and loved so much.<br><br>I left their house today and went back to my home. I left a note on their door and told them "You're not my husband and you can't take his place. I do not want you. I do not want you to hug me or hold me. I do not want you to tell me you love me. I am not Eleanor. I am not a fatass. You are not my family. I will call the cops if I ever see you at my house." I am not calling CPS on my niece yet. I will eventually.