The Cinemaphile

He calls himself a ‘Cinephile’ when in reality he’s just a man with an overpriced degree in film. The Cinemaphile is a very common sight on Twitter, where he’ll pass off popular Twitter takes as his own opinion, and on Letterboxd where he’ll give popular movies obscure ratings like 4.2/5 or 4.7/5 stars. He’ll claim to love cinema, yet rarely has an original thought in his head. As the name would suggest, he’s on 4chan a lot. He’ll claim to watch 2-3 films a day, yet the number of films he’s seen all total to 500-600. He doesn’t actually watch that many films. He’ll sometimes say he doesn’t watch popular films but then admit that he’s seen every marvel film. He has an irrational hate for Wes Anderson and the French New Wave as he thinks he’s being contrarian by hating on them. When he recommends films to you, he’ll pull out his list of obscure films and watch in glee as he recommends them all to you, acting as if he thinks you’ve never heard of them. He’ll claim to have an appreciation for the cinematography of films but won’t be able to tell you what makes it so effective. He’ll act like he’s the superior and educated one in any discussion but in reality, he’s the dumbest man in the room. He’ll claim to love cinema, but absolutely despise any film that deviates from the norms of his beloved arthouse films. He’ll say that he loves all types of films, yet writes off any modern film that doesn’t adhere to the 3 act structure as being ‘ gimmicky’ . He’ll look down on you if you don’t like the films he likes. He’ll claim to love anything outside of the norm yet will absolutely despise you if you are not like him. He’s a hypocrite, a snob, and a wannabe intellectual. Oh, and did I mention that he’s incredibly insecure? He tries to hide this insecurity by acting superior to everyone else, but deep down, he knows that his life is a meaningless one; an endless void of pointlessness, where he will never be able to express his own thoughts. He thinks cinema is his escape, but in reality he’s stuck in an infinite loop of emptiness, no matter how many films he watches.